A Wrinkle In Time
by AdInfinitum
Summary: In a tragic twist of fate, Kikyou seals InuYasha... and LIVES. 50 years later, he wakes up to find a senile miko and a girl named Kagome who probably isn't her reincarnation. As for destroying Naraku... they'll get around to it.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha. I also don't own Madeleine L'Engle's book A Wrinkle In Time, the title of which I used for this story. Also, this story is in no way based on that book, I just thought the title fit for other reasons (and yes, I know my fic in NO way compares to anything by her).

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50 years ago in the Sengoku Jidai:_

_"Kaede..."_

_"Yes, sister?"_

_"I will not survive these injuries. Take the Shikon no Tama and burn it with my remains."_

_Kaede looked at her sister, aghast. "Why?"_

_"Do as I say, Kaede. When I die, I don't want to leave you with the responsibilities that I had as guardian of that cursed jewel."_

_Kaede set her chin in defiance- no way was she letting her sister leave her alone. She pried the Shikon no Tama from Kikyou's fingers and paused for a moment, uncertain. The jewel felt cool against her hand, and she stared at the pale surface. How did one go about making a wish on the Shikon no Tama? Kaede knew what she wanted- she wanted her sister healed. She wanted Kikyou to be able to live a normal life like she had always desired. She wanted her last remaining family to stayby her side._

_The jewel knew Kaede's wish as soon as it formed in her mind. The bloody wounds on Kikyou's shoulder closed and her eyes opened as the jewel dissolved in Kaede's childish palm._

_Kikyou sat up, bewildered. "Am I dead now?" she asked in a meek voice. 'This is one hell of a strange afterlife,' she thought._

_"No, sister! I healed you with the Shikon no Tama!" exclaimed Kaede, bouncing up and down in delight. "I made a wish on it, and it disappeared from the world just like it was supposed to!"_

_Kikyou looked around, her mind registering her younger sister's gleeful face, the sunshine, chirping birds, and general non-afterlife-ish appearance of the world around her. "What have you done, Kaede?" she demanded._

_Kaede stopped jumping up and down, but replied cheerfully nonetheless. "I told you, big sister! I had the Shikon no Tama heal your injuries! Now, you can live, and I won't have to take care of the jewel!"_

_Well. This was certainly a development. "I _told_ you, Kaede! You were supposed to burn the jewel with my remains! Not use it to keep me from dying!"_

_Kaede looked a little confused. "But, um... why? I mean, you're alive, and the jewel is gone, so..."_

_Kikyou howled in frustration. "I was supposed to be the tragic heroine of this story! Now what am I going to do?"_

_"Well..." began Kaede timidly, "Didn't you always say that you wanted to live the life of a normal woman?"_

_"How do you know I said that?" asked Kikyou. "I only ever told..." her eyes darkened with anger, but her face reddened, "I only ever told InuYasha! You were spying on us, you little brat!"_

_Kaede snickered. "I don't see what the big deal is, you two never even made it to first base."_

_"Shut up and respect your elders!" yelled Kikyou._

_"Speaking of InuYasha," said Kaede, "Isn't he still stuck to that tree?"_

_"Yeah, I guess so," said Kikyou._

_"Well, do you wanna let him go or should we just finish him off while he's asleep?" asked Kaede._

_Kikyou touched a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Let's just leave him there," she said at length. "After all, how many other villages have their own dog-boy stuck on a tree in their forest? Maybe we can set up a tourist attraction..."_

_Meanwhile, in the nearby shrubbery:_

_Naraku, formerly known as Onigumo, didn't know whether to be disappointed or overjoyed. On one hand, his rival for the hand of the beauteous Kikyou was permanently stuck to a tree, and in a few days would most likely have pigeons nesting in his hair. On the other hand, the Shikon no Tama had just been purified by a seven-year-old and he had seen it disappear with his own eyes._

_Now, Naraku was nothing if not honorable and he felt that he could not justly ask Kikyou to be his wife without having something to offer her- namely the power that the Shikon no Tama would bestow on him. He didn't doubt that Kikyou would say yes... he just _knew_ that she had been trying to grope him that one time in the cave. Sure, she _said_ she was changing his bandages, but that was just because she was such a shy young maiden. If that wasn't mutual attraction, he didn't know what was. _

_Still, making Kikyou his wife without giving her he rank and honor she deserved just didn't feel right to him. Naraku resolved to wait until the Shikon no Tama was once again in his grasp. Unknown to the priestesses, the Shikon no Tama hadn't really disappeared for good. The power of the Shikon jewel had merely been released, and sooner or later it would resurface._

_Naraku knew this, and he could wait until the day that he found the jewel again._

550 years later in Tokyo:

Kagome Higurashi stepped briskly out of her house. She was late for school. _Again_. Although why she had to go to school on her birthday was beyond her. Life just wasn't fair sometimes, was it?

"**Sis**!"

Kagome rolled her eyes. What did her brother want _now_? 'Oh wait,' she thought. 'What am I saying? I wanted to put off going to school anyways.'

"What is it, Souta?" she asked.

"It's your cat. I think it crawled down into that creepy well," he replied matter-of-factly.

Kagome's eyes took on a slight shade of panic. "Oh no, Buyo!" she cried. "What_ever_ shall I do? It would probably be best if I skipped school so I could get Buyo out of the well," she informed Souta.

"OK, Sis. Whatever you say. I'll just go tell Mom that you're skipping so she knows to make extra lunch today."

"Wait,"Kagome stopped her younger brother with a tug to his sleeve. "Come with me, will ya? I don't really want to go in the well house by myself."

"Um... alright," agreed Souta. "Let's just hurry it up."

"No problem," Kagome replied, a little out of breath from climbing those god-awful stairs yet another time.

Kagome pried the stiff wooden door on the well house open and peered inside the poorly-lit structure. "Wow, it really smells in there. Are you sure you don't want to go in, Souta?"

"I'll pass on that," Souta said with a firm shake of his head.

"Fine, be that way," groused Kagome, sliding the wooden door further open and stepping inside the little building. "You know, we should get Gramps to clean in here or something," complained Kagome. "If Buyo _is_ in here, he probably already choked on a dust bunny and died."

"Eeek!" Kagome squealed as she felt something brush against her leg. "Buyo, you stupid..." she trailed off, apparently not able to find a suitable word to express her annoyance and instead hefting the obese feline into her arms. "I hope you'll learn that stinky well houses are _not_ places where good kitties go."

Meanwhile, Souta, unable to resist the prank, had crept up behind her and took the moment to jump up behind her with a loud yell.

"BOO!" bellowed Souta.

Kagome shrieked, turning around to face her brother.

"Souta!"

He cringed at the anger in her voice, just as Kagome lost her balance, tripped on the low wooden wall of the old well, and plummeted into it headfirst.

'Oh crap,' thought Souta. 'If she breaks her neck or something, Mom and Gramps are gonna kill me...'

He edged up to the side of the old well and looked inside. "Hey, Kagome... what do you say we don't tell Mom and Gramps about this? Kagome... ?" He looked down the well, blinking his eyes in an attempt to get them to adjust to the poor lighting. No Kagome. He looked again. Still no sister.

Oh, _crap_.

Well, on the bright side, it looked like Kagome wouldn't be telling anyone about his little prank. Souta looked outside the well house, checking to make sure all was clear before he snuck back into the house and went to his room to play video games.

On the other side of the well:

Buyo let out a pitiful yowl of displeasure at the fact that Kagome's knee was currently planted firmly on his tail.

"Oh Buyo, I'm sorry!" cried Kagome as she promptly removed the offending knee.

Buyo sniffed. 'You'll have to do a little better than _that_ if you want my forgiveness,' he thought, turning his back on the repentant girl.

"Now, don't hold a grudge, Buyo. It's not healthy, you know, and I worry about your health enough as it is. Now, we have to get out of this well so I can go kick Souta's a..." Kagome stopped short- something wasn't right! She thought for a few seconds before something clicked in her mind.

The well wasn't stinky! Therefore, she could no longer be in her well house. A brief glance upward confirmed her suspicion that there was, indeed, no well house covering the well.

"Alright Buyo, let's get out of here _now_," commanded Kagome, who had decided that she had hit her head a little too hard and wanted to go to the doctor immediately.

Buyo gave her a look.

"Oh, right. You can't climb because of your weight problems," said Kagome. "Wow, this is really a problem. I guess... I could throw you over the side and then climb up after you?"

Buyo responded by sinking his claws into the wooden side of the well and clawing his way out before Kagome could get an even brighter idea.

"Well, there's a problem solved!" chirped Kagome, grasping the convenient vines on the side of the well and using them to hoist her body over the side.

"Oooh! How pretty!" squealed Kagome. Yes indeed, she found this delusion of her partly-concussed mind to be especially appealing. Green leafy forest, clear blue sky, flowers and birds- it was like a park or something, only without litter and screaming kids. Oh, and what was that?

"What kind of weirdo sleeps on a tree? And standing up, at that?" wondered Kagome. She looked a little closer at the red-clad slumberer and gasped. "Are those cat ears?"

She was at the base of the tree and climbing up in a moment, leaning in closer to look at the strange ears. She flinched as her face neared that of the sleeping boy. No _cat_ had that kind of dog-breath. Undeterred, she stretched her fingertips until they brushed the fuzzy silver dog-ears.

The dog-boy's eyes snapped open and Kagome jumped back guiltily, losing her balance and falling off of the tree root.

Dog-boy blinked. "Where the hell am I?" He took a good whiff of the air around him. "Wow... do I ever have a bad case of morning breath..."

Kagome stood up, brushing leaves and dirt from the green pleats of her skirt. "Owww..." she whined. "That's the second time today. I hope I don't wind up with permanent brain damage."

InuYasha gaped at the girl, who was clutching her head and mumbling incoherently on the ground in front of him.

"Kikyou? What the hell happened to your _hair_?"

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AN: Thanks for reading this, everyone. I really hope you liked this story, found it amusing, etc. If you have any suggestions on how I could improve later chapters, please tell me in a review and I'll see what I can do. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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_"Kikyou? What the hell happened to your _hair_?"_

"Kikyou? Who's that? I don't know any... um... did you just insult my hair?" asked Kagome.

"You killed me, bitch. I can and will insult your hair, your face..." InuYasha glanced down at her school uniform, "... your weird clothes, and that fat ball of fur that's following you around."

"That makes no sense, Dog-boy. If I killed you, why would you be awake and insulting my hair?" demanded Kagome, logically.

"Okay... not killed, then. Rendered unconscious for an indeterminate period of time. Is that better, picky wench?" demanded InuYasha sarcastically.

"No, because I never did anything to you, Dog-boy. I've never seen you before in my life," claimed Kagome. "And that's a fact, 'cuz I would remember meeting someone with cute fuzzy ears like yours."

InuYasha blushed, then narrowed his eyes calculatingly. "You know, if you like my ears so much, I'll let you touch them."

"Oooooh, really?" bubbled Kagome, "You will?"

"Yep. All you have to do is pull out this arrow that's holding me to the tree, and I'll let you touch them all you want," promised InuYasha, crossing his fingers behind his back.

"Well, if you put it like that... okay!" Kagome climbed up the protruding tree roots and wrapped both hands around the splintered wooden arrow, giving a tentative pull. The arrow dissolved in a shimmer of pink mist, leaving not a trace.

InuYasha gasped, while leaping to the ground and standing at a safe distance from the weird girl who wanted to touch his ears. "How did you do that?"

"What do mean, 'How did I do that'? I just pulled the arrow thingy out like you wanted me to," replied Kagome. "It wasn't really that difficult."

"But..." stammered InuYasha "... I didn't think you would actually be _able_ to pull out that arrow... it was enchanted... or something."

"Oh, it was easy," assured Kagome.

"But if you could pull that arrow out... you have the Shikon no Tama! Gimme! Now!" demanded InuYasha.

Meanwhile in the village:

"Kaede, I sense great spiritual disturbance in the forest,"stated Kikyou. "Won't you go see what is amiss?"

"Are you sure, sister?" prodded Kaede. "Last time you sensed a disturbance in the forest it turned out to be a bunch of kids throwing rocks at a beehive."

"There is no doubt that the disturbance in the forest is of grave importance, Kaede," insisted Kikyou. "You must go and ascertain the problem immediately."

"Yeah, well that's what you said the last _three_ times," reminded Kaede. "If it's such a big deal, then why don't you go yourself?"

"Okay look, if you just go and check the forest I'll take care of the next two needy villagers that come asking for herbs or whatever," offered Kikyou. "How's that sound?"

"Yeah, I can live with that. I'll go and check just this once-" began Kaede.

"Ah yes, thank you, sister," interjected Kikyou.

"_But_, if it turns out to be nothing again then you'd better not nag me about 'disturbances in the forest' ever again," said Kaede.

Back at the Goshinboku:

"You know, you can't just demand other people's things and expect them to give you what you want," chided Kagome. "It would be a lot better if you asked politely."

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Fine. Will you _please_ gimme the Shikon no Tama? _Now_."

"Well, um... what's a Shikon no Tama?" asked Kagome.

InuYasha smacked his forehead. "Look, you idiot-"

"_Kagome_!"

"Yeah, whatever. I know you have the jewel so just give it here and I'll be nice and let you live," said InuYasha in his most magnanimous tone.

"But I don't have it!" protested Kagome.

"Keh! Fine. You're annoying anyways, not to mention a liar because..." InuYasha scowled at Kagome menacingly, "... you have the Shikon no Tama right _there_." InuYasha took a few steps closer to Kagome, pointing a clawed finger at an assortment of shiny, dangly objects hanging from a clip attached to the belt loop of Kagome's skirt.

Kagome blanched. "You don't mean my... Hello Kitty keychain! I'll never give it to you, you jerk! It's an irreplaceable collector's item... WacDonald's only had those in their Happy Meals for two weeks!"

"_No_, you moron! I don't want your 'hell-kitty keychain' or whatever. I want _that_!" InuYasha growled, swiping at the pale pink jewel hanging from a metal clasp emblazoned with the phrase 'Sunset Shrine.'

Instead of grabbing the Shikon no Tama keychain, however, he missed and pulled the entire bunch of keyrings away from Kagome, ripping the main clip through the belt loop, then losing his grasp on it and flinging the whole thing into the nearby forest.

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Kaede flinched as a strange-looking, mostly-silver object went flying past her, narrowly missing her head. The metal thing dropped beside her with a soft plop and she bent to pick it up, giving it a thorough examination.

"Oh _my_," murmured Kaede. "The Shikon no Tama..." There it was, attached to one of the many dangling parts of the complicated metal contraption in her hand. Kaede pondered the item she was holding, made up of dozens of metal charms hanging from a central ring- one of the charms holding the Shikon no Tama. Surely it must be an article containing immense spiritual powers. Kaede pocketed the whole thing... perhaps it would be of use later.

From the same direction that the Shikon no Tama had been flung, Kaede heard a feminine-sounding shriek. Kaede picked up her pace and headed towards the scream. If the trouble was caused by the jewel she had just found, it was her duty as priestess to remedy the situation.

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Kagome shrieked in surprise when InuYasha pulled her key ring from her. "You jerk! You just ripped the belt loop off of my school uniform! Do you know how much these things cost to replace?"

"Oh wait," she thought. "What am I saying? If my uniform is ripped, I just have an excuse to wear my regular clothes to school..."

"Shut up!" bellowed InuYasha. "If you had just given me the jewel when I asked you to, it wouldn't be an issue!"

Kaede crept up behind the Goshinboku, assessing the situation. InuYasha was on the loose, he was threatening that odd girl, and the Shikon no Tama was involved. She reached for the conglomeration of metal she had found attached to the jewel, removing one of the dangling charms- one in the shape of a cat. Kaede tied the charm to a string of wooden beads with a leather string, imbuing the necklace with some of her long-unused spiritual energy.

Jumping with as much stealth and speed as her elderly body could manage, she swooped down on the unsuspecting demon, placing the charmed necklace over his head.

InuYasha jumped in surprise when he felt the unexpected attack from behind. "What the hell was _that_?" he wondered aloud.

"Quick, girl!" prompted Kaede. "You must use a word to subdue InuYasha!"

Kagome blinked. "Huh?"

"You know," said Kaede, "Like some kind of word for a spell that'll keep him from being dangerous. The magic necklace I put on him will make him obey the word you pick."

"Really?" Kagome grinned. "Okay then, um..." She glanced at his ears, "How about... sit?"

InuYasha immediately felt a tug on his legs, demanding that he obey the command and sit down peacefully. He resisted the compulsion, so instead the necklace yanked him to the ground face-first.

"You know, he'll never be able to get that necklace off," commented Kaede.

"Oww_www_!" InuYasha moaned, following it up with a string of unintelligible curses. "Take this... thing... off of me... _now_!"

"No _way_," said Kaede and Kagome at once.

"You should have seen how funny you looked, falling to the ground face first like that," continued Kagome.

"You thought it was funny? I don't think so! I'm stuck wearing this stupid girly necklace that makes me eat dirt on the whim of a stupid girl who I just met!" ranted InuYasha.

Kagome giggled and leaned in to take a closer look at the 'girly necklace.' Her jaw dropped in shock and she turned an accusing glare on Kaede. "Whose bright idea was it to use my _Hello Kitty keychain_ to subdue this idiot?" she demanded. "I changed my mind, lady! I want my keychain back, forget about being able to sit-"

"Owwwww!" The two women ignored InuYasha's cry of pain as his face once again met the ground.

"-_Him_," she said pointing a finger at the red robed figure on the ground. "How does that necklace come off?"

"... it doesn't," replied Kaede. "The only one who knows the proper spell to remove the necklace is my older sister, Kikyou."

InuYasha gasped. "Your older sister is _Kikyou_?"

"C'mon, Dog-boy, time's wasting!" Kagome chimed in, "Let's go find this Kikyou chick so I can get my keychain back!"

InuYasha's mind reeled. "Your _older_ sister is Kikyou?"

Kaede gave him a knowing look. "That's right."

"B-but... how _old_... are you?" asked InuYasha.

"Never you mind that, Inuyasha. Follow me to the village so we can ask Kikyou about removing Kagome's 'hell-kitty keychain' from your neck,"commanded Kaede. "You may follow me as well, Kagome."

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As Kaede entered the village (with InuYasha, Kagome, and Buyo in tow) she detected a commotion coming from the outskirts of the cluster of shacks. At least half of the villagers were congregated in a semi-circle, with their attention focused on what sounded like some kind of noisy spectacle occurring on the other side of the crowd.

Kaede pushed her way through the crowd to see what was causing the trouble. Kagome, never one to ignore her curiosity, followed her although InuYasha and Buyo hung back. After Kaede and Kagome had disappeared into the center of the disturbance, InuYasha found that he was able to catch some snatches of conversation from the villagers on the edges of the crowd.

"She's put a barrier around the village outhouse!"

"Again? Ugh, that's the third time this year!"

"Respect your elders, now! She was a very powerful priestess in her day..."

"Mom, I've gotta go! This is not the time for respect, this is an _emergency_!"

--------------------------------

"Kikyou, do you remember the talk we had about this?" reprimanded Kaede, pulling Kikyou aside to some distance from the barrier-fortified outhouse."The villagers _need_ to be able to use the outhouse. They can't do that if there's a barrier on there, now can they?"

"As I recall, last time we had a talk about this, I told you that there was a malevolent presence in the outhouse that needed purging," returned Kikyou evenly. "And obviously it was a very persistent one. I last dispelled it only a month ago, yet already it has returned."

"Kikyou, remove the barrier," commanded Kaede. "I can guarantee you that the 'malevolent presence' will be fine without immediate purging. Also, you were right about the disturbance in the forest. InuYasha was awoken by this girl-" she pointed to Kagome, who was standing back in the clearing chatting with some of the bystanders, "-and is now in the village."

Kikyou raised an eyebrow. "Is he not a danger to the villagers?"

"No, he's harmless. I used a spell to place a subduing necklace on him," assured Kaede. "It responds to the command of the girl, Kagome."

"Is that so? Tell me, what word does this Kagome use to subdue InuYasha?" inquired Kikyou.

"Sit," replied Kaede. Kikyou and Kaede's eyes met for a moment, then they both burst out laughing.

"That is-" began Kikyou.

"-Priceless, yes, I know," finished Kaede for her. "So, let's get the barrier off of the outhouse and we can go take care of the situation."

The two elderly priestesses turned back to the clearing and were rather shocked by the sight that met their eyes- Kagome was peeling the last of the spell scrolls from the door of the outhouse, crumpling up the little scrap of paper and tossing it over her shoulder. The barrier around the outhouse dissipated.

Kagome took a step back to admire her work and then made a little 'ta-daa!' motion with her hands, signifying that the outhouse was now open. The crowd gave a collective sigh of relief and promptly formed a neat, orderly line outside of the door, queuing up with the children and senior citizens first.

Her eyes searched the area until she found Kaede and her sister Kikyou, who were strolling in her direction already. InuYasha likewise made his way over to the two priestesses, Buyo following behind him.

---------------------------

"I think it's time for an introduction. InuYasha, Kagome; this is my older sister Kikyou," said Kaede, gesturing to the older woman that stood next to her, wearing red-and-white clothing identical to her own. "She would be the one to ask about removing the subduing necklace from InuYasha, if that is what you truly desire, Kagome."

InuYasha stared at Kikyou in horror. "Look at these wrinkles..." he thought. "What is holding this woman together?" His gaze fell on a speck of leafy green substance caught between two of her teeth. "What the? ... How long has _that_ been there?"

Leaving InuYasha to ponder his less-than-deep thoughts about the ravages of time, Kagome stepped forward, extending a hand to the elderly priestess.

"Hi!" greeted Kagome. "Um... Kaede said that you know how to... un-subdue InuYasha here?"

"Let me see the charm that was used on the subduing spell," requested Kikyou. "Then I will be able to remove it. But tell me, why would you want to remove such a useful incantation?"

Kagome fidgeted. "Well, I don't really care so much about the whole spell thing," she began. "Actually, it's kinda funny. It's just that, well... the keychain Kaede used is a collector's item and it can't be good for it, getting it slammed into the dirt like that."

"Very well then. InuYasha, come here so that I can examine this 'collector's item' that Kagome speaks of," ordered Kikyou. InuYasha took a few steps forward in compliance and stood with his arms crossed and an irritable scowl on his face.

Kikyou took a few minutes to examine the necklace thoroughly, stepping back after a few minutes with a thoughtful expression.

"Well? Can you get it off, or what?" demanded InuYasha.

"A spell to remove this necklace should be easily cast-" began Kikyou.

"Cool!" enthused Kagome. "You're going to take the magic necklace off, then?"

"No," replied Kikyou.

"Why not?" asked Kagome and InuYasha in disbelief.

"I can't remember the spell," said Kikyou solemnly.

-----------------------------

AN: If anyone can tell me what movie I quoted from in ths chapter, you can have... examines contents of wallet... on second thought, never mind. Perhaps I should heed parental nagging and find myself a source of gainful employment? ;; Thanks for reading, and if you think anything in my story could use improvement, let me know!


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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"So Kikyou, did you by any chance write this spell down anywhere?" asked Kagome. "Like maybe, I dunno, in a cookbook or something?"

"No. Priestesses do not make records of magical techniques, but will only teach them to trusted students," informed Kikyou. "This is in order to prevent our secrets from being abused in the wrong hands."

"But then what happens when you forget what the spell was?" said Kagome. "It seems like an awful waste... somebody probably spent a lot of time coming up with all of this magic stuff."

Kikyou sniffed. "A true priestess would not be so careless as to forget her training."

"But, um, Kikyou..." Kagome gave a nervous giggle. "Alright, so you never taught your sister Kaede the removal spell for the subduing necklace. Does _anyone_ know that particular piece of information?"

"Oh yes, we were all taught by the same master at the school for priestesses," replied Kikyou. "Ah, those were the days," she mused with a dreamy, far-off look. "I remember one girl, what was her name? Chewbacca? No... I think it was... Tsubaki. Anyways, in those days she always saw herself as my rival, but..."

At this point, Kagome tuned Kikyou out. "She would really get along with my grandpa," she thought to herself.

Kagome turned around to face the other priestess. "Kaede?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know where we could find any of the other students who were taught by Kikyou's master?" asked Kagome.

"That is a difficult question to answer. Many, if not all of the student would be dead by now," responded Kaede. "Kikyou was the youngest student of her master. If there are any others alive, who knows where they may be now? I certainly have not heard of them for a long, long time."

"I see..." said Kagome. "I guess that kinda puts us back at square one, huh? I mean, as far as saving my keychain goes."

"... And that's why Tsubaki never, ever again tried to cast a hair-dying spell," said Kikyou, finishing off what had apparently been a lengthy tale. She turned to Kagome. "Are you sure you were listening?"

"Oh, um... sure!" replied Kagome just a little too cheerfully. "So, do you have any idea where we can find a spell to save my keychain?"

"I told you," insisted Kikyou. "A good priestess never forgets the teachings of her master. I may not be able to recall the spell right now, but I will in time."

InuYasha spoke up. "But why can't the whiny girl here-" he pointed to Kagome, "-get the necklace off of me? I know she has powers. She freed me from the sacred arrow, _and_ she had the Shikon no Tama."

"Even if she could undo the enchantment of my sacred arrow, and dispel the barrier I placed on the outhouse, she couldn't have had the Shikon no Tama," scoffed Kikyou. "It was purified for good when Kaede made her wish on it fifty years ago."

"Actually," said Kaede, pulling Kagome's keychains (plus the Shikon) from her pocket, "She did have the Shikon no Tama. I don't know how, but here it is." Kaede held her hand out so that Kikyou could tell that she did indeed have the jewel.

"Hey, my keychain!" exclaimed Kagome. "I thought I'd lost it for good! You found it though, Kaede... I guess that's where you got my Hello Kitty keychain..."

"See?" commented InuYasha. "I _told_ you she had the Shikon."

"Everyone keeps mentioning a 'Shikon no Tama'," said Kagome, tilting her head inquisitively. "What are you all talking about?"

"This," replied Kaede, indicating the round, pink jewel hanging from Kagome's Sunset Shrine keychain.

"That?" asked Kagome. "My grandpa gave that to me a couple of years ago. There was some kind of story that went with it..." Kagome thought back, trying to remember what her grandpa had told her.

---------_flashback_---------

"Happy birthday, Kagome!" her grandpa had said, handing her a small box tied up with a ribbon.

Unwrapping the little package gleefully, Kagome pulled off the top, examining the contents. "Ooooh, that's pretty! Thanks, gramps!"

"What I just gave you is called the Shikon no Tama, a legendary treasure," began her grandpa, in a tone of voice used only by the most boring of history professors. "The legend itself, took place at this very shrine..."

About here is where Kagome had tuned him out.

---------_end_ _flashback_---------

"Ah well, I don't really recall anything about the Shikon no Tama," admitted Kagome. "Is it especially important?"

"Keh. Important enough to kill me over," spat InuYasha bitterly.

"Who are you to talk, demon? You're the one who gave me fatal wounds in your attempt to steal it," insisted Kikyou.

Kagome lifted an eyebrow. "Can I take this moment to point out the fact that neither of you are actually dead? What happened, anyways?"

"Fifty years ago, I used the Shikon to heal my sister wounds, which otherwise would have been fatal," said Kaede. "Earlier, she had used a sacred arrow to seal InuYasha to the tree that you released him from."

"So," said Kagome, looking from Kikyou to InuYasha. "Right now, you're both alive and relatively unscathed. Can't you just let it go?"

"Not a chance," said InuYasha, crossing his arms.

"Absolutely not," asserted Kikyou with a frigid glare. "How could you even suggest such a ridiculous idea?"

"Because if InuYasha and I have to stick around until you remember that spell, it would make things a lot easier if you two didn't hold a grudge," said Kagome with an optimistic smile.

"We'll see about that," responded Kikyou noncommittally.

"Keh," replied InuYasha, even more noncommittally.

"Perhaps we should return home and prepare some dinner?" suggested Kaede. "Kagome and InuYasha, since it seems that the two of you will be staying for a while, you should help out."

"That sounds good to me," said Kagome. "What are we having?"

-------------------------------

"Honey, what are we going to do about Shippou?" the red-headed kitsune woman asked her husband. "We can't leave him alone while we're gone, and we certainly can't cancel our plans," she complained. "It seems like a lose-lose situation, no matter what we do."

"Why not just take him with us?" asked her husband.

She shot him an indignant glare. "You are _such_ an idiot! You know we can't do that; they enforce a strict no-children policy!"

He gave an embarrassed chuckle. "You're right, I'm sorry... actually, I think I know of someone who would watch Shippou for us."

"Really? Who?" She halted her nervous pacing and looked at him expectantly.

"I know a pair of old priestesses," he replied. "They're very trustworthy, our son will be in good hands," he reassured.

"Oh, thank goodness." The kitsune woman breathed a sigh of relief. "Make sure he's ready and we can drop him off on the way."

-------------------------------

Kaede shook her head in despair. She had suggested that Kagome and InuYasha make dinner in return for being allowed to stay at her house, and they had agreed, albeit reluctantly. Now, they seemed to be a little _too_ enthusiastic about whatever it was that they were making, and the smells emanating from the cauldron over the fireplace offended her nose.

"Hey InuYasha, making stew was a _great_ idea!" enthused Kagome.

"Keh. Of course it was," gloated InuYasha happily. "Here, I got some stuff to put in it!" Kaede's forehead wrinkled as she saw InuYasha add a few large handfuls of something that looked ambiguously meat-like.

Meanwhile, Kagome rummaged around in Kaede's collection of medicinal herbs, which she had apparently mistaken for cooking spices. She opened a few jars and sniffed the contents, adding large pinches of whatever she liked the smell of. Kaede winced. Hopefully, there would be no adverse reactions.

Kagome stirred the concoction in the pot, bringing a spoonful to her mouth. "Hmm..." she mused aloud. "This is good, but it's missing something..."

A sudden idea occurred to her and she pulled a small package from her pocket, emptying the contents into the pot. "Perfect!" she thought. "Although I've never tried breath mints in stew before... still, I'm sure they'll do wonders for Dog-boy."

InuYasha hovered over her shoulder. "Hey, what was that you just put in? Is it ready? Can we eat yet?"

"Sure, just get a bowl and I'll dish some up for everyone," agreed Kagome cheerfully. InuYasha held out the wooden bowl expectantly and Kagome spooned a generous potion of stew into it.

"So? How is it?" asked Kagome eagerly. "Did it turn out as good as we thought it would?"

"You bet it did!" answered InuYasha through a mouthful of food.

"How about it? Aren't you going to have any?" said Kagome, looking pointedly at Kaede and Kikyou.

"Ah, um... perhaps later," answered Kaede.

Kikyou nodded in agreement. At their age, neither wanted to risk the potential hazard to their health.

"Oh well," said Kagome with a sigh. "If you change your minds, just let me know. We made plenty." Kagome spooned herself a bowl and started eating contentedly.

"So," began Kaede. "Who taught you your, erm... cooking skills, Kagome?"

"Oh, nobody really taught me," replied Kagome nonchalantly. "I just practice at home sometimes."

Kikyou raised an eyebrow. "Where _is_ your home, anyway? Many things about you- your clothes, your cooking, the 'keychains' you carry... seem unfamiliar."

"Oh, I live at the shrine," said Kagome. "Right near the well and the tree. Or, the shrine _was_ by the well and the tree, I think. But my brother pushed me into the well this morning, and I hit my head, so I'm not really sure anymore," she finished uneasily.

Kikyou gave Kagome a penetrating glare. "You are not bound to the flow of time in a manner that is similar to other living creatures who exist in the temporal plane-"

"Huh?" blurted InuYasha and Kagome, sporting identical befuddled expressions.

"I believe what my sister is trying to say," translated Kaede, "Is that she believes you have traveled through time somehow, Kagome."

"Indeed," sniffed Kikyou. "And now we must devote our time to discovering a way of returning you to your own era. Honestly, first an entire village of needy peasants, and now this!"

Kagome panicked. "They can't just send me home like that!" she thought, outraged. "I have an algebra test tomorrow... if they send me home I'll have to take it! How could they be so cold-hearted?"

Kagome gave an audible, dramatic sigh. "I couldn't possibly ask you to go to all that trouble for me. As much as I will miss my family and home, I know that it would be unforgivably selfish of me to let you inconvenience yourselves like that."

Kikyou nodded appreciatively. "Then we have an understanding," she said with a warm smile.

Kaede lifted an eyebrow. Was this girl _insane_?

InuYasha, on the other hand, was duly impressed. Not only could this girl really cook, but she had a great sense of priorities!

Kaede cleared her throat. "Um, Kagome? Are you sure you're not being a little hasty? It wouldn't really be _that_ much trouble..." Kaede's speech was interrupted by a polite tapping on the wooden doorframe.

"Come in," called Kaede.

"Ah, thank you..." came an indistinct voice from the other side of the hanging bamboo door. "No Shippou, you can wait outside. Do _not_ wander away, understand?"

The bamboo door was shoved aside and a pair of full-grown kitsune walked in. The couple looked remarkably similar to one another- both with red hair and blue-green eyes- except, of course, for the obvious fact that one was male and the other was female. Neither of them stood taller than about four feet tall, and they were both wearing semi-formal attire in fashionable, color-coordinated greens and browns.

The female kitsune was the first to speak. "My husband here tells me that the two of you priestesses can watch our child for us."

"We would really appreciate it," added the other kitsune. "We've had a hard time of it since his babysitter was killed by an evil demon named Naraku."

"An evil, babysitter-killing demon, huh?" remarked Kagome. "Sounds really scary."

"Keh, that's not scary at all," scoffed InuYasha.

"Oh, that's not the half of it!" exclaimed the kitsune mother. "This particular demon is known far and wide for all kinds of crimes; including- but not limited to- vandalism, slaughter of entire villages, and wearing Speedos in public areas."

Kagome blanched in horror. "You're joking!"

Even InuYasha looked uncomfortable upon hearing that information.

"It's all true, though," affirmed the kitsune man. "In fact, I've heard that he's been looking for the Shikon no Tama to increase his evil power even further. He almost got it fifty years ago, but the jewel disappeared. Rumors say that he's willing to wait for all eternity to get the Shikon in his possession."

"Hm. Go figure," mused Kikyou. "Was it this Naraku's fault all this time?"

"Hey, that means you and InuYasha can get along now, right?" asked Kagome.

Kikyou's eyes softened. "Of course. I can't believe that I was so blind all of this time. InuYasha would have never willingly betrayed me..." Kikyou drifted off into silence, a tiny smile brightening her face.

After a few minutes InuYasha spoke up. "So... no more hard feelings about what happened fifty years ago?"

Kikyou snapped out of her reverie. "What are you talking about?"

"You know..." began InuYasha. "You've forgiven me, since I didn't actually betray you in the first place?"

"Are you crazy?" demanded Kikyou. "Of course you betrayed me!"

InuYasha smacked a hand to his forehead. "Didn't we just go over this a minute ago?"

Kaede put a hand on InuYasha's shoulder to calm him. "Don't worry about it, InuYasha. My sister is getting old, and she spent fifty years of her life believing that you betrayed her. It's only natural that she have trouble remembering things like this."

Mrs. Kitsune cleared her throat, shifting from one foot to the other impatiently. "As, erm... amusing as all of this is, my husband and I would still like to know if you will watch our son for us."

"Sure we will!" said Kagome. "I like kids! Well... maybe not so much my brother. But he couldn't possibly be more obnoxious than my little brother!"

"Um, of course not," agreed Mrs. Kitsune, suddenly unable to make eye contact. "Our dear Shippou isn't annoying at _all_. Is he, honey?" she asked, discreetly elbowing her husband in the ribs.

"Why no, a perfect angel!" enthused Mr. Kitsune.

"So where is he?" asked Kagomecuriously.

"Shippou! You can come in now!" called Mr. Kitsune. "You get to meet your new babysitters."

"Really? Cool!" squealed Shippou. He bounced through the doorway, scanning the room eagerly. "Which ones are my babysitters?" he asked, wrinkling his nose.

"I suppose they all are," said his mother carelessly.

"Hmph. You can count _me_ out of this 'babysitting'," scowled InuYasha. "Kids are irritating, smelly, and a waste of time."

"Whatever," Mrs. Kitsune dismissed InuYasha with a wave of her hand. "Shippou, we have to leave now. Be good. If I hear that you gave them any trouble, it'll be time out for you when we get home."

"Okay! Bye Mom! Bye Dad!" called Shippou. "I promise I'll be on my best behavior!"

"That's a good boy!" gushed Kagome. "I'm Kagome, and this is Kaede, Kikyou, and InuYasha," she said, pointing out each person as she named them. "We're gonna have a great time! Are your parents letting you skip school, too?"

"School?" Shippou's expression of confusion was adorably comical (he had practiced it in the mirror on previous occasions).

"Oh... never mind," amended Kagome.

"Right, so what are we gonna do first?" asked Shippou, jumping up and down in excitement. "I'm really good at art projects... or maybe we could play hide and seek? Oh, oh, I know! I've been practicing my fox fire, it's really cool! Let me show you, Kagome!"

"No, Shippou! Not in the house!" yelled Kaede a second too late.

InuYasha ducked out of the way just in time to avoid a set of painfully charred ears. "Brat," growled InuYasha, "If you ever do that again, I swear..."

"Oh, get over it, InuYasha," reproved Kagome. "It's not like he did it on _purpose_ or anything. Now get up and come outside. You're going to play hide and seek with me and Shippou."

"But-"

"No arguments. You're coming and that's final," said Kagome decidedly. "Besides, it's no fun with only two people."

InuYasha could have sworn that he saw that kitsune give him an evil smirk the moment Kagome's back was turned.

-----------------------------------

AN: Erm... wow... only two reviews for the last chapter... WHERE DID I GO WRONG? (cues dramatic, angsty music, then gags on the melodrama)

OK, well congratulations to **Phenomenon**, who knew the Mystery Movie Quote from last chapter. Hm, lets see if I can put a Mystery Movie Quote in the next chapter. Randomly enough, I think it would be funny if I quoted from the actual show InuYasha... especially if nobody knew where I got the quote from.


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

-----------------------------------

After the incident with his fox fire, Kaede banished Shippou from the house except for meals and bedtime, hoping to keep damage to a minimum. Kagome and Inuyasha amused him for the first couple of days, but Kagome eventually tired of the constant activity and when Kagome lost interest, there was no one to 'convince' InuYasha to help. The two of them had turned the cub into Kaede's custody a few hours ago and then wandered off to relax with Kikyou in the hut while Kaede tended to her herb garden.

"Shippou?" asked Kaede, sternly addressing the young fox.

"Yeah? What is it, old lady?" Shippou asked, his innocent tone belying the fact that he had just called her an old lady.

Kaede's eyebrow gave a noticeable twitch. "You will stay in this garden, where I can see you," she began in a tone that brooked no argument. "You will amuse yourself quietly. You will behave yourself; if you cause me any trouble you will spend the rest of the day with Kikyou, and she is _not_ fond of children who misbehave."

"Sure, I'll be good," promised Shippou. Somewhat reassured, Kaede returned to the meticulous cultivation of her beloved herb garden.

"Sheesh, these people can be really uptight," muttered Shippou to himself. "Now, what am I supposed to do while this old lady is doing boring gardening stuff?" He trudged off to the furthest corner of the garden and plopped down in the dirt to ponder what he had done to deserve such a cruel fate.

Shippou sat quietly for a grand total of two minutes before he realized that any more peaceful behavior would very likely kill him. He fidgeted anxiously for a few seconds before a brilliant idea occurred to him. He could just do a little gardening of his own!

Shippou looked around at the corner of the garden he had wandered off to. These plants didn't look very important... Kaede probably wouldn't mind if he made his own garden here. Shippou make quick work of the plants in his 'garden,' pulling them up and tossing them neatly over the fence. Rummaging around in his vest pocket, he pulled out a miniature jars containing the spores of his treasured mushrooms.

Smiling gleefully he shook a generous amount of spores into each empty spot which had formerly been occupied by the plants Shippou had disposed of.

----------------------------------------

Kaede looked up from her gardening with a start. Was that crying she heard? It was coming from the distant corner of the garden- Shippou! "Oh god, no..." she thought. "How could I have been so careless... !"

Kaede jumped up as fast as her arthritic knees would allow her, running toward the sound of childish wailing at speeds she hadn't reached for decades.

When Kaede reached the place that she'd heard the crying come from, three things registered in her mind. Firstly, Shippou was absolutely fine, and in fact took the whole thing as a huge joke if his giggles were to be any indication. Second, the cries she'd heard came from the plethora of bulbous-eyed, tear-dropping mushrooms that the child had planted. Third, Kaede realized exactly what Shippou had removed from the garden to make room for his little fungus farm.

-----------------------------------------------

"InuYasha, did you hear that scream?" asked Kagome from her seat inside Kaede's house. "It sounds like somebody got hurt... should we go check on Shippou and Kaede?"

InuYasha looked up lazily from his spot reclining against that wall. "Of course I heard it. Super duper über demon senses, remember? And if _you_ wanna go check, be my guest. _I_ could care less."

"InuYasha! How could you be so heartless?" demanded Kagome. "Someone could be hurt and you don't care?"

"Well, to be honest-" Before InuYasha could further demonstrate his lack of sensitivity, he was interrupted by another scream, this time from right outside the hut.

"I'm sorry, Miss Kaede! I didn't know! You're not going to hurt me, are you?" wailed a childish voice.

"Silence, child! I am _not_ going to injure you," asserted Kaede. "But... You. Are. In Trouble."

Kaede pushed aside the bamboo door with one hand, the other hand occupied with carrying the repentant kitsune by the scruff of his neck.

Setting Shippou firmly in a corner Kaede stepped back and glared at him. "Now then," she began, addressing the occupants of the house. "What are we going to do about Shippou? Obviously we need to take more drastic measures to control him."

"We could sell him into child slavery," offered Kikyou helpfully. "Think about it... not only would he be able to work off that excess energy, but we would all get a break! It's the perfect solution, right?"

Shippou squirmed nervously. He hadn't been _that_ annoying, had he?

InuYasha gasped. That was a brilliant idea! "Now why didn't I think of that?"

Kaede gave InuYasha a stern look. "We are _not_ going to sell Shippou." She paused, thinking of her cherished (and now dead) plants. "No matter how tempted we may be."

Shippou continued fidgeting for a few more moments before volunteering, "Um... I do have medication for the, uh, hyper-ness..."

Kaede looked up sharply. "Where?"

"Didn't my parents leave it with you?" Shippou blinked innocently.

"No. Apparently it slipped their minds," said Kaede bitterly. To think that all of this could have been prevented...

"It's no big deal, right?" asked Kagome, who didn't seem overly upset about the untimely demise of Kaede's greenery. "We can just find Shippou's parents, get the medicine, and everything will work out fine!"

"Easy for you to say..." mumbled Kaede.

"Well, spill it, child!" ordered Kikyou. "Where are your parents now?"

"They gave me an address," muttered Shippou, fumbling around in his vest pocket for a moment. "Okay... here it is," he said, holding out the folded scrap of paper.

Kaede accepted the piece of paper, examining the address written on it. "Western Lands Country Club?" she mused aloud. Frowning at Shippou, she asked, "Is that very far from here?"

"I don't know," confessed Shippou. "I've never been there... I'm not allowed."

InuYasha, meanwhile, had stood up and was peering at the address over Kaede's shoulder. "Western Lands Country Club... isn't that...?" he stopped mid-sentence, shaking his head. "I know where it is. If that medication will make him shut up then I'll _gladly_ show you all the way."

"I believe I will stay here in the village," decided Kaede. "I've had enough of all this running around. How about you, Kikyou?"

Kikyou thought for a moment and replied. "I think I'd rather go along. I've been bored lately. And besides, those children will need a _competent_ priestess along for protection,"added Kikyou with a glare at Kagome, which Kagome remained blissfully unaware of.

Shippou perked up at the idea of an excursion. "Wow! This'll be like a vacation or something! Hey, InuYasha, do you think we'll get to see any cool youkai on the way? Oh, and I know a whole bunch of really great songs we can sing on the way!"

InuYasha groaned. It was a week's journey to the Western Lands... maybe, if he asked real nice, Kikyou would stick him back on that tree?

-----------------_3 days later_-------------------

"Hey, Inu_Yasha_..." whined Shippou. "I'm tired and my feet hurt and I'm thirsty and I have to go to the bathroom. Can't we take a break soon?"

"Silence, child," ordered Kikyou before InuYasha got a chance to reply. "Since we undertook this journey for the sake of you and your medication, the least you could do is remain quiet and walk without complaining."

"Fine," grumbled Shippou, crossing his arms in a pout. "But I _still_ want a break."

Kagome paused, poring over the wrinkled travel map she carried. "You know, InuYasha. a break might not be such a bad idea. According to the map, the next town we're coming up to is going to be the last place to stop before we get to the Western Lands. So why don't we spend the night there?"

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Do I really have a choice?"

Kikyou chuckled. "Nope. Glad you finally caught on." Even Kikyou had to concede that a good night's rest sounded appealing.

Shippou brightened considerably at the promise of a break soon. "Yay! We get to stop! Hey, how much further to the town?"

Kagome checked her map again. "Not far. In fact, we should be able to see it any minute."

The group walked in silence for a few minutes before Shippou piped up again. "Are we there yet?"

Kagome flinched and ignored the question... it had triggered some rather vivid flashbacks of unpleasant car trips with her younger brother. Then she looked up and thanked the gods of Good Timing for what she saw.

"Actually, yeah. We're here," she said, pointing to a large wooden sign painted in garishly bright colors.

InuYasha squinted at the sign. "Welcome to the Town of Mullet, home of the World's Largest Hairball?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Are you _sure_ you guys want to stop here?"

Kagome looked a little unsure, but set her jaw stubbornly. "Yes, we do. At least we'll be able to get some food and find someplace to stay overnight."

The four travelers kept walking toward the promise of cold beverages and a hotel. "Doesn't look like much of a town, does it?" asked Shippou.

"No, it doesn't," admitted Kagome. In reality it only seemed to consist of one large building, flanked by several smaller adjoining buildings. They were all built from plain wood and looked to be slightly run-down.

Kagome knocked on the door of the largest building, Kikyou brushing past her to enter when the knock went ignored.

"Excuse me? Is anyone here?" asked Kagome, poking her head into the dimly-lit building.

"Come in," called a rather shrill female voice. Kagome followed Kikyou through the door, Shippou right behind her and Inuyasha bringing up the rear. Sitting behind a dark wooden desk was pale woman with short black hair and a rather skimpy outfit.

"Welcome to my little establishment," greeted the woman cheerfully. "I'm Yura of the Hairball."

"Hi, Miss Yura of the... erm... Hairball," began Kagome.

"Oh, just call me Yura," amended the woman brightly. "And what are your names?"

"Well, I'm Kagome, and this is Shippou, Kikyou, and InuYasha. We were hoping to spend the night in this town. Is there a motel here?"

"Oh, certainly. Our main attraction is the World's Largest Hairball, but we also have a motel, a restaurant, and a gift shop," replied Yura. "Would the four of you like to book a room for tonight?"

"You bet we would!" chirped Shippou. "Hey, Kagome, do you think there'll be cable TV? I wanna watch Power Rangers!"

"Great! It'll be $40 for one night..." Yura trailed off, scanning the motley group. "I'm afraid you'll have to pay in advance."

All eyes turned expectantly to InuYasha. "What? You think _I_ have any money?" he growled, muttering something under his breath about 'ripoff tourist traps' and 'ungrateful humans.'

"But," said Kagome, her voice laced with annoyance. "None of _us_ have any money, either."

"Well, super!" muttered InuYasha sarcastically. "How very inconvenient, while simultaneously being a complete waste our our time! Come on, we're leaving!" he ordered, turning abruptly around.

"Wait! Don't go yet!" called Yura from the desk.

"Why not?" demanded InuYasha.

"Look. In case you didn't notice, I really like hair. And your hair, in particular. So, here's the deal. I'll let you guys stay overnight for free. In return, I use your hair to practice some hair styles from my magazines that I've absolutely been dying to try. How about it?" asked Yura.

"Are you crazy? Why would I want to do something like that?" asked InuYasha incredulously. "That's just... weird!"

"Come on, InuYasha," pleaded Shippou. "Do it for cable TV. Do it for Power Rangers!"

"Please, InuYasha, do it for your friends?" asked Kagome.

"Do it or else, InuYasha," ordered Kikyou. "My bunions are killing me."

InuYasha's ears drooped under the weight of the stares from his companions. Between the eager gazes of Kagome and Shippou, and Kikyou's threatening glare, he really didn't have much of a choice, did he?

"Keh. Fine," he replied. "You had better appreciate this."

Yura'seyes lit up with a gleam that could be described as joyful, but would much more accurately be described as slightly insane. "Great! This is going to be so much _fun_! We can start off with a split ends treatment..."

InuYasha cringed. "Nothing _permanent_, right?"

-------------_next morning_-------------

"Hey everybody! Time to get up!" chirped Shippou happily. "Hey, this place is awesome, huh?"

InuYasha growled and put a pillow over his head, only to be reminded that his hair was still crunchy from excessive amounts of gel and other hair-care products. "Dammit, I think there's hairspray in my ears," he thought miserably. He reached up in an attempt to scrape some of the gook from his ears, but only managed to tangle his claws in one of the tiny braids that were scattered throughout his hair. At this point, InuYasha closed his eyes, preferring the unconsciousness of sleep to his overly coiffed waking nightmare.

"Do you think there's a swimming pool at this hotel?" asked Shippou loudly, leaning over InuYasha and tugging at the pillow in an attempt to wake him up. "If there is, will you take me? Huh?"

On second thought, he sooner he woke up the sooner they would leave, and they sooner they would get Shippou's medication. Which would mean a moment of peace and quiet, right?

InuYasha sat up and tossed his pillow aside. "Where are Kagome and Kikyou? We've hung around at this place just about as long as I can stand. We're leaving."

Shippou scratched his head. "I dunno... they were walking around somewhere when I saw them this morning. Maybe Yura's seen them?" Shippou had to jump up to follow InuYasha, who'd promptly got up and headed out the door.

Rounding the corner from the hallway, InuYasha found the reception desk, but no Kagome or Kikyou. Yura sat at the desk, reading a magazine.

"Where did the girl and the old woman get to?" asked InuYasha, skidding to a stop in front of Yura's desk, Shippou colliding with the back of his legs at the abrupt halt.

"They're in the gift shop," replied Yura, pointing to a door opposite the one that InuYasha had walked through without looking up from her magazine.

InuYasha was through the door in two seconds flat, scanning past the racks and shelves of cheap trinkets for the two women. He finally spotted Kagome near the back, waiting patiently outside of a smaller room.

"Where's Kikyou?" asked InuYasha. "Did I say you two could go wandering off without telling me- especially when we need to get moving and leave already?"

"Chill out, InuYasha," replied Kagome, rolling her eyes. "Kikyou's right in there. She said she wanted to buy a souvenir t-shirt before we left, so she's trying some on."

"Oooooh, can I have a t-shirt, too?" asked Shippou, just now making his way over. "Of course, maybe some candy would be even better, huh?"

InuYasha snickered. "You two must not get out much, if you think you need souvenir t-shirts from _this_ dump."

"Shut up," instructed Kikyou, poking her head out the dressing room door. "_You_ didn't exactly get out much these past 50 years, either." She stepped out of the little room, once again dressed in her usual clothing.

Kikyou held up a hanger for Kagome's inspection. "What do you think of this one?" she queried.

Kagome gave the garment an appraising glance. It appeared to be an exact duplicate of the skimpy black outfit Yura wore, except for the screen print across the front that read, 'I Saw The World's Largest Hairball.'

"So," asked Kikyou, "Do you think they have this in an extra large?"

InuYasha made some noises in the back of his throat that sounded suspiciously like gagging. "No time for shopping! We're leaving! _Now_!"

---------------_4 days later_---------------

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Kagome, peering through the bars of a sturdy gate. "I dunno if we can get in without, like, ID or something."

"Yeah, I'm sure this is the place," grumbled InuYasha. "I've been here before, when... well, never mind, okay?"

Kikyou sniffed. "They certainly went to a lot of trouble to make this place look imposing, didn't they?" Indeed, the massive stone building- complete with immaculate landscaping, brick walkways, and an iron fence with the words 'Western Lands Country Club' emblazoned on it- appeared to give off an aura of intimidation.

"I'm surprised that they let you into a fancy-looking place like this, InuYasha," teased Shippou from a safe perch on Kagome's shoulder.

"Well, they did let me in, which is more than can be said for _you_," remarked InuYasha. "I seem to recall your parents being rather opposed to the idea of taking you here." InuYasha crossed his arms in triumph, immensely proud of his comeback.

Kagome shifted nervously. "Shouldn't just hurry up and get what we came for? I don't like just standing here outside..."

"Yeah, sure. Let's get this over with," conceded InuYasha, slipping through the rather wide-set bars in the gate. "You all coming?" he asked over his shoulder, already halfway to the front door.

"Wait up!" called Kagome. "Hey, don't you think we could get in trouble for doing that?

InuYasha shrugged. "Whatever."

Kikyou and Shippou joined them at the front door, slightly winded. "Kikyou got stuck in the bars, but I helped her out," said Shippou proudly.

Kikyou glared at the kit, but said nothing.

"Hey, can I press the doorbell?" asked Shippou. "Please? Pretty please?"

"Nope," smirked InuYasha. "_I_ get to press the shiny button."

"No faaaair!" whined Shippou. "Kagome, tell InuYasha to let me push the button!"

"You can push the button next time, Shippou," promised Kagome. "Now be good while we're here, okay?"

InuYasha pressed the doorbell with due ceremony, and then pressed it a couple more times for good measure. "Hey, open up!"

The door creaked it's way open and a diminutive green creature stepped out, looking over the group with ill-concealed disdain. "Whatever on earth is a bunch of low-lives such as yourselves doing here?"

"Shut up, Jaken," said InuYasha. "You're making Kagome cry. And we're here to see this kid's parents."

"Hey!" protested Kagome. "I'm not crying!"

"You mean the Kitsunes?" asked Jaken. "What do you need them for?"

"They left him with us ten days ago," stated Kikyou. "Without his medication. We traveled here to correct the oversight."

Jaken pondered this for a moment. Obviously, he had to let these people in. But that didn't mean he had to be polite about it. "You may come in. But don't touch anything, don't bother anyone..."

Jaken continued along in this vein for quite some time after the group went in, leaving him to lecture thin air at he front door.

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"Oh my, I can't believe I forgot something like that," apologized Mrs. Kitsune. "I certainly hope he didn't give you too much trouble..."

"Well, not _too_ much, I suppose," placated Kagome. "He's just so, you know, _energetic_, it's been a little hard to keep up with him."

"Yeah, yeah, just hand over the medication and let's go," blurted InuYasha impatiently.

"Very well," sighed the Kitsune woman, handing a small white bag to Kagome. "The instructions are on the bottle, and _please_ don't lose it. I'd hate to have to get it refilled."

"Great, wonderful, fantastic, but let's _leave_," demanded InuYasha.

"Hello, little brother."

Oops, too late. "Sesshoumaru."

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AN: Alrighty, I think this chapter is long enough to post. Thanks for the reviews for last chapter, I enjoyed them all. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and if you can think of anything I could do to improve on this story please let me know.


	5. Chapter Five

Disclaimer: Hmm... from what I've seen, a lot of authors write witty disclaimers in order to jumpstart their creative processes... I've got nothing.

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InuYasha turned around at the sound of his name, only to be blessed with the sight of his least favorite half-brother. He had kinda suspected that he might see Sesshoumaru here, but he'd been hoping to get out of a meeting with him.

Sesshoumaru gazed lazily at his younger brother, vaguely annoyed, although he couldn't seem to recall a particular reason. But then again, InuYasha didn't really have to _do_ anything to be annoying. He just _was_ annoying, in that indescribable way that only younger siblings can manage.

"Weren't you supposed to be pinned to a tree somewhere?" asked Sesshoumaru somewhat sulkily. "You were the last time I checked."

"Gee, thanks for the concern," retorted InuYasha. "Yeah, I was. Which reminds me. Do you know what the hell happened to my sword while I was out? It just now occurred to me that it was gone when I woke up."

Sesshoumaru shrugged. "Oh, right. That. It was raining that one time I checked on you, and I thought it might get rusty, so I took the sword off your hands for you." Sesshoumaru didn't bother trying to make his lie sound sincere.

InuYasha rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, Sesshoumaru. Now gimme back my damn sword."

Sesshoumaru thought for a moment. "Okay. I don't really need it anyways. I don't know what I was thinking, wanting the weapon of my pathetic brother anyways."

InuYasha held out a hand expectantly.

"I don't have the Tetsusaiga _with me_," explained Sesshoumaru. "If you want it, you'll have to come back to my house and get it."

A collective groan came from Kagome, Shippou and Kikyou. "_More_ walking?"

"Are these your... companions, little brother?" asked Sesshoumaru dubiously.

InuYasha lifted an eyebrow. "Better them than Jaken."

"I see," replied Sesshoumaru. "Well, tell your companions that I will graciously provide them with transportation to my home."

"You could just tell us yourself," interjected Kagome. "I mean, we are right here and all..."

Sesshoumaru pointedly ignored her statement. "I will have Jaken prepare AhUn for the journey to my house. The sooner I give you the Tetsusaiga, the sooner I can be rid of you, InuYasha."

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Kagome nudged InuYasha in the ribs. "How much longer will it be before we get to your brother's house?" She stared uneasily at the large fall to the ground from her seat in between InuYasha and Kikyou on Sesshoumaru's ugly flying dragon, and shifted Shippou nervously in his place on her lap.

"Why?" asked InuYasha. "You don't get airsick, do you?" Now it was his turn to squirm, since if she _was_ going to get airsick, he was the one sitting in front of her.

Sesshoumaru glared at Kagome from his seat on AhUn (as far away as possible from his brother). "If any of you humans vomit on the new leather seating I had installed, this Sesshoumaru will kill you all."

Kagome flinched. "I'll be fine. I was just wondering how far it was. Shippou doesn't look too good..."

Kikyou glanced at the kit, who was staring into the distance with a glazed expression. "That was one of the side effects listed on the bottle. Didn't you read it?" she asked Kagome accusingly.

"Well, I read the directions before I gave it to him," replied Kagome guiltily. "I just didn't want him acting up while we were, you know, flying."

"Hey. Wake up, that expression's kinda creepy," ordered InuYasha, prodding at Shippou.

Shippou shook his head, giving the group his first lucid look in over half an hour. "Did you know that if you switch the 'g' and the 'b' in goober, you get booger?" he asked suspiciously.

InuYasha gave him a bewildered shake of the head. "No..."

"That's what I thought," he muttered disgustedly, and resumed spacing out.

Kikyou merely shook her head in disbelief. "How could one so young have reached such enlightenment? And a youkai no less..."

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"Make sure to wipe your dirty feet before entering the Almighty, Magnificent, Powerful, Glorious Sesshoumaru's home," demanded Jaken in a screechy voice.

"I'll do whatever I want to," snapped InuYasha, thoroughly peeved. "As soon as I get the Tetsusaiga back from the Stupid, Uptight, Girly, Boring Sesshoumaru, I'm leaving. I wouldn't be here in the first place if he wasn't such a sword-stealing pain in the ass."

Jaken, absolutely horrified by the insults to Sesshoumaru, gibbered in shocked fury for a few moments before Kikyou rendered him temporarily unconscious with an efficient blow to the head.

Sesshoumaru looked slightly hurt. Call him boring, would they? "Follow me, human scum and pathetic younger brother. Speak of me again in such a manner and your worthless lives are forfeit." Sesshoumaru tended to wax poetic when giving out death threats.

Incidentally, after Sesshoumaru's little outburst, the group followed quietly along behind him until they reached their destination. "Sesshoumaru, why in god's name are we in your garage?" sputtered InuYasha confusedly. "You kept my sword in your _garage_?"

Sesshoumaru turned to his brother with a sigh. "I suppose I should explain things to you. After I took the Tetsusaiga from you, I found that I couldn't use it in it's current state."

InuYasha grinned enthusiastically. "Yeah, I bet Dad put some kind of cool ward on it so that you couldn't touch it. Am I right? You probably got your ass shocked halfway across Japan."

"... No, there was no ward," explained Sesshoumaru patiently. "It clashed with my outfit. In order to remedy that, I had the Tetsusaiga reforged into something that would be useful to me. However, I no longer have need of it, so I will return it to you. Jaken, retrieve the Tetsusaiga."

"Yes, oh Resplendent One," fawned Jaken. "Whatever you say." Jaken disappeared into a pile of junk covered by a large dustcloth before reappearing with a heavy burden, his yellow eyes bulging quite comically with the exertion of carrying it.

InuYasha narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What's Jaken doing with your golf caddy?"

Sesshoumaru reached for the handle of his designer caddy and pulled it to him, searching through the contents. "Ah. Here it is." He selected an item and handed it to InuYasha.

As he took the item from Sesshoumaru, InuYasha looked like he might actually be close to tears. "You took my sword, the sword that our father gave me, the legendary Tetsusaiga, and you reforged it into a _golf club_? **_Why_**?"

Sesshoumaru put a hand to his chin in profound thought. "Yes, what _was_ I thinking when I did that?" he wondered. "Ah well. The Tetsusaiga is now restored to its rightful owner."

"So," remarked Kagome conversationally. "You golf?"

-----------------_half an hour later_-----------------

"Did you know that the practice of wearing plaid pants on the golf course originated from the theory that brightly colored clothing would break the concentration of your opponents?" asked Sesshoumaru earnestly. "So I figured, if plaid pants were a distraction, then what would a custom-made plaid _Fluffy_ do to throw off the other golfers?"

"That's... fascinating..." said Kagome with a strained smile. "Why did I ever start this discussion?" she asked herself bleakly, looking desperately to her companions for help. Shippou was still out of it, and InuYasha wasn't much better, sitting on the ground with the desecrated Tetsusaiga in one hand and the other hand reaching up to wipe surreptitiously at his eyes every few minutes.

Kikyou decided to step in, not being overly fond of the topic of conversation herself. "Perhaps we had best be leaving, Sesshoumaru. We have already been away from my village for too long, and my supply of Depends is running low."

Sesshoumaru nodded in hasty agreement. "Yes, I suppose it would be best if you left," he agreed, not fancying the idea of an incontinent old woman sitting on his furniture. "I'll have Jaken bring AhUn up to the driveway."

Kagome and Kikyou promptly got to their feet, and proceeded to drag the two catatonic males with them to the front door, where Jaken awaited them with a very pouty demeanor. "If you'll give me the directions to your disgusting human village then we'll be on our way," he grumbled.

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InuYasha remained withdrawn for the rest of the day, not speaking and only moving if someone physically pulled him along. Kagome started to worry that perhaps his attachment to the Tetsusaiga bordered on... _unhealthy_.

They had long since arrived at the village, and InuYasha had yet to do anything other than sit in a corner of Kaede's hut and mope. Kagome decided to try and give him a nice comforting talk, as he seemed to be taking the situation with his beloved Tetsusaiga rather badly.

"Hey, InuYasha," began Kagome, sitting cross-legged on the ground a few feet away from him. "Don't be so upset about this, okay? I mean, I know you're really sad and all 'cause it was your dad's sword that he gave you. And, Sesshoumaru _was_ really a jerk-"

"Huh," thought InuYasha absently, as Kagome continued to ramble on in the same vein. "I can see up her skirt when she sits like that."

"-so... it's not so bad. You could probably do a lot of damage with that thing, anyways. I know _I'd_ be scared if a homicidal maniac came at me with a club like that." finished Kagome, giving InuYasha a sympathetic pat on the back.

"Um... right," muttered InuYasha. "You know what? Just don't bother me about it any more, and I'll be fine. In fact, who needs the stupid thing, anyways? I got along just fine before I had it, and I'll be fine without it." InuYasha stood up and pitched the sword-turned-golf-club out the back window of Kaede's hut. "Stupid Tetsusaiga... stupid Sesshoumaru..." InuYasha mumbled under his breath, turning on his heels and stalking out the door.

Kagome remained seated on the floor. "Well... at least he's not sitting around moping anymore..."

Shippou walked into the hut, rubbing a lump on his head as dragging the golf club formerly known as Tetsusaiga by the handle. "Hey Kagome, this came flying out the window and hit me on the head. Did you throw it?" Shippou scowled.

"No, it wasn't me!" assured Kagome hastily.

"Alright then," chirped Shippou, suddenly cheerful. "Well, can I keep it to play with?" he asked.

"Uh, sure, why not?" agreed Kagome. "Let's go find Kikyou. Maybe she can teach us how to use it."

"Okay!" Shippou started to bounce his way outside again, then turned around with a quizzical expression. "Kagome, you know that when you sit like that, everyone can see up your skirt?"

Kagome blushed. "Oh."

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"So, Kikyou, what do you know about playing golf?" Kagome and Shippou had finally located the elderly woman puttering around in a field on the outskirts of the village. "I promised Shippou that we could try and play with the Tetsusaiga."

Kikyou rolled her eyes. "The technicalities aren't important. Basically, just use the blunt end to hit stuff. He's a five year old boy, that in and of itself will keep him amused for hours."

Kagome nodded gravely and handed the Tetsusaiga to Shippou. "You heard her, Shippou. Have fun."

Shippou gave a cry of joy and proceeded to the forest, where he could destroy the landscape free of consequences.

Kikyou turned back to Kagome. "So, is there anything else you wanted, my little reincarnation?"

"What do you mean, your reincarnation?" asked Kagome, properly confused. "I mean, wouldn't you have to be dead or something?"

"Well, you have miko powers..."

"What does that have to do with anything? I grew up in a shrine."

"Don't be foolish," admonished Kikyou. "If nothing else, it's obvious that you're my reincarnation because you and I look exactly alike."

Kagome blanched. "You... can't mean that..."

"Look, you're my reincarnation and that's final!" hissed Kikyou.

"But... that's impossible..." insisted Kagome. She didn't really look like she was pushing seventy years old, did she?

"Ah well, whether you believe or not isn't the issue," stated Kikyou decisively.

"Oh." Kagome was beyond crestfallen. Her _mom_ had always told her she was pretty...

"Kagome, Kikyou, what are you doing out here?" asked Kaede, strolling briskly in their direction.

"Nothing of importance." Kikyou turned to her younger sister calmly. "Did you need something?"

"I just wanted to check up on everyone. You and Kagome seem to be doing fine. Have you seen Shippou or InuYasha?" queried Kaede.

"Um, Shippou's playing in the woods over there," volunteered Kagome. "I dunno where InuYasha went. I think he's still upset."

A loud stomping noise caught the attention of the three women as the very hanyou in question came storming up.

"You bet your life I'm upset!" he snarled. "Now tell me, who left the cap off the toothpaste?"

"I don't see what concern it is of yours," huffed Kikyou. "That happens to be _my_ toothpaste you're holding there."

"No it isn't! The toothpaste is mine, and somebody left the cap off of it!" InuYasha scanned the group suspiciously, looking for the culprit. "How am I supposed to use toothpaste that's been left open? It's all dried out and crunchy... grrrr!"

The three of them took an involuntary step back as InuYasha's eyes flickered from yellow to red, and then back again.

"Um, did you see that?" whispered Kagome, nudging Kaede in the ribs. "I think his eyes changed color just now. Is that another demon power? Boy, he seems really mad, don't you think we should give him some new toothpaste?"

"I know of this phenomena," said Kikyou. "This only happens to hanyou, and only when they feels very threatened. Their demon half takes over and renders them mindless."

"You know I can still hear you," cut in InuYasha, looking rather insulted. "You guys are really pissing me off... grrrrrr.." Once again, InuYasha's eyes flickered red.

"Kikyou, do you know how to stop it?" asked Kagome, still somewhat fascinated by the transformation taking place in front of her. After all, even if this was technically a Bad Thing, it still looked pretty neat.

"Stop what?" asked Kikyou innocently.

"The transformation," clarified Kaede. "Do you know how to stop it?"

"... No," admitted Kikyou. "Maybe he'll just snap out of it?"

"Hey guys, what's goin' on here?" chirped Shippou, bouncing happily back from his rampage of destruction on the forest. "What's up with InuYasha? He looks even more cranky than usual. And his eyes are bloodshot... does he have a 'hangover' or something? My daddy gets those sometimes..."

"That's enough, Shippou," admonished Kaede. "InuYasha seems to be transforming into a full demon, and we don't know what to do about it."

"Ooooh," gasped Shippou. "Cool."

InuYasha continued to stand stock-still, giving the occasional growl. His eyes were now completely transformed, along with his claws and fangs.

"What do we do now?" asked Kagome. "I don't think he can even hear us when we talk to him..."

"There's nothing we can do except wait for the transformation to wear off," responded Kikyou solemnly. "Until then, we should be prepared to flee if he gets violent."

"Grrrrr..." replied InuYasha in agreement.

------------------------_3 days later..._------------------------

"Kagome, InuYasha hasn't done anything for three days except stand there and growl!" wailed Shippou. "I'm _sooooo_ bored! Couldn't he at least try for a snarl or something?"

"Unfortunately, no," said Kikyou. "This is what I meant when I said that his demon blood would render him mindless."

"There has to be something we can do," said Kagome plaintively. "I'm getting really bored too!"

Kaede had left the three of them the first night, assuring them that she had 'urgent business in the village.' She had only returned a few times since them, bringing picnic lunches.

"Can we carry him back to the village?" asked Shippou hopefully. "That way, we don't have to stay with him."

"We can try," replied Kikyou. "Although it will most likely require the combined strength of the three of us."

Kagome stretched out her tired limbs, and pictured herself going to sleep that night in Kaede's hut, rather than out doors. "You and I can each take an arm, and Shippou can get the feet," she told Kikyou. Kikyou nodded her assent.

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Kaede looked up in surprise when she heard the sounds of her sister, along with Kagome and Shippou, moving about outside the front door. She hastily put away the Harlequin romance novel she'd been reading and went outside to see what they were doing.

"Okay, let's put him here," commented Kagome. "Man, he's heavy... I thought we'd never make it."

Kaede watched, aghast, as they set InuYasha in front of her house, looking for all the world like an animatronic lawn ornament.

"So, what do we do now that we've got him here?" asked Kikyou.

"Hm," Kagome put a hand to her chin in contemplation. "Since he's out of it anyways... I think I'll paint his nails."

Shippou tugged Kagome's hand eagerly. "Ooooh, can I help?"

Kaede stepped out of her house and over to the schoolgirl. "You," she began, accentuating her orders with a firm poke, "Will come inside and feed your cat _right now_. You left that thing here almost two weeks ago, and I have had to take care of it ever since."

Kagome wrinkled her forehead in concentration. "My cat? Oh... you mean _Buyo_. I forgot he was here..."

"That's right, young lady," said Kaede sternly. "Don't shirk your responsibilty any longer, and go feed your cat. I'm tired of taking care of that gluttonous beast."

"Meow," commented Buyo, lazily strolling out of the hut.

"Oh, poor kitty, I'm sorry I forgot about you," crooned Kagome. Buyo pointedly ignored her, instead turing an interested glance on InuYasha, who was still stock-still on the lawn.Buyo sauntered over to InuYasha and proceeded to sharpen his claws on the hanyou's red pants leg.

"Buyo!" choked Kagome, "Bad kitty! Don't do that!"

Buyo continued to ignore Kagome and claw at the red fire rat fabric. Up on the top of his head, InuYasha's ears twitched. Abruptly, he turned to face the miscreant feline, showing the first signs of awareness since he'd 'transformed.'

Buyo sniffed. Did the dog-boy think _he_ could be intimidated? Oh no, not the Great Buyo...

Oh, wait. Those _were_ rather imposing claws that the dog-boy was currently flexing. Perhaps the Great Buyo could make an exception, just this once...

Buyo turned tail and fled as fast as his pudgy legs could carry him towards the nearest tree. Demon InuYasha took off after him gleefully, swiping his claws at the cat. Buyo managed to make it to the tree, but was unfortunately hampered in his attempts to climb it by his generous girth. Finally, InuYasha managed to take a chomp at Buyo's tail with his overgrowm fangs.

The feel of fangs biting at his tail provided Buyo with the motivation to climb the rest of the way up the tree, where he turned around and started hissing at InuYasha on the ground.

Meanwhile, InuYasha eyes suddenly snapped into focus, turning from red to yellow. He gagged a little, then put a hand to his mouth. "Why the hell is there _cat hair_ on my tongue?" he demanded, horrified. "What have I _done_?"

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AN: Uhm... sorry this chapter took me so darn long to write... if I was gettin' paid for this, I'd be fired, huh? I wrote almost five pages today so I could post this before I go to summer camp. I don't even know where the stupid camp is, just that it's at some place called Lake Placid. There was some horror movie called 'Lake Placid,' wasn't there? About a giant gator or something. Crap...

I think that somebody wanted to know if Miroku and Sango were going to be in the story. They definitely will, and very soon. In fact, I have plans for pretty much every character in the series.

Wow, am I the only one who's really confused by the new 'hits' feature when you log in on FF? According to them, I've had only 19 hits on all the chapters, yet I have like 20 reviews. Does that mean that maybe someone reviewed who didn't read or something? It's sooo confusing!

In other news, statistics say: Five out of five authors agree that **lots of reviews** equals more inspiration, faster chapters, and better writing quality.

... Okay, I made all of that up. But you'll still review me, right? Please?


	6. MiniChapter Six

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

Warning: Character death...

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InuYasha clawed miserably at his tongue in a vain attempt to remove the clumps of cat hair. No matter how much of the vile stuff he scraped away, there always seemed to be more lurking in hard-to-reach areas of his mouth... possibly even stuck between his teeth.

"Dammit, that was horrible!" he wailed with conviction. "A three-day blackout, and I wake up to find... to find myself chasing a _cat_... oh, the cliché!"

"Aw, don't feel bad, InuYasha," soothed Kagome with a pat on the back. "It wasn't that awful... well, at least, you didn't decimate an entire village or something like that..."

"Well, gee, doesn't _that_ make me feel better," snorted InuYasha, sending sulky glares to Kagome, Kikyou, and Kaede, who sat in the hut with him. "As unbelievable as it may seem, it would be a lot _more_ comforting to know that something like this won't ever happen again," declared InuYasha. "I never thought I'd say this, but it'd be kinda nice if Myouga was here... I could do with an explanation of this, at the very least."

Kikyou perked up. "Do you mean the talking flea that used to follow you around? I killed it."

InuYasha's eyes widened in shock. "_What_? How could you _do_ that? He was my father's servant!"

"What do you mean?" asked Kikyou, furrowing her brow in confusion. "I thought you _wanted_ to kill him. You used to squish him all the time, so I figured you just didn't _know_ the right way to kill a flea."

"And how is that?" asked Kagome, her curiosity piqued.

"Well, squashing would never work on a flea because of their hard exoskeletons. The easiest way to kill a flea is to suffocate them in between two pieces of tape, and then flush it down the toilet," replied Kikyou. "Although you could always poison them, too."

"But... but..." InuYasha gaped at Kikyou. "You _killed_ Myouga!"

Kikyou looked mildly hurt. "I only did it for _you_," she insisted. "Ungrateful little..."

"But now, what can I do about my problem?" demanded InuYasha. "Myouga _always_ showed up to explain things to me."

"I'm certain that something will work itself out," assured Kaede with a knowing nod of her head.

"Hey guys, whatcha doin'?" asked Shippou, bounding into the hut. "Did I miss something while I was playing outside? What were you all talkin' about?" Shippou leaned on the Tetsusaiga-turned-golf-club while he talked, using it like a cane.

InuYasha glared at the kitsune cub menacingly. "Hey... isn't that _mine_? Did I say you could play with it?"

"Well... nooooo," conceded Shippou slowly. "But Kagome said I could have it because _you_ didn't want it any more."

"Shippou's right," said Kagome. "It wouldn't be fair not to let him play with it, if you weren't going to use it."

InuYasha crossed his arms grumpily. "Well _I_ never said he could have it. Maybe I changed my mind about not wanting it. Give it back!"

Shippou frowned stubbornly. "But..."

Kagome leaned over to whisper in Shippou's ear. "Just let him have it, Shippou... I'll give you some candy later, okay?"

"Fine. InuYasha can have the Tetsusaiga back." Shippou proceeded to hand the object back to InuYasha in a manner which was as magnanimously condescending as possible.

"You know I heard you whispering," grumbled InuYasha, who nevertheless accepted the item.

"Sure," said Kagome with a roll of her eyes. "Shippou, if he ever throws the Tetsusaiga away again, you can keep it, no matter what he says."

"Neat," said Shippou. "It was really cool for pretending to fight evil demons and stuff."

"You can just forget about ever getting your paws on Tetsusaiga!" bellowed InuYasha furiously. "I'm never letting it out of my sight again!"

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AN: Well, InuYasha no longer has to worry about turning demon... though he doesn't know it, heh heh. Sorry about the lateness/shortness of this chapter. I'll probably return to my irregularly scheduled updates when school starts and I once more need an excuse to not study ("I _can't_ write the paper right now... I have to update!").

Also, thanks to the reviewers...

**Neva13**: Nope, didn't get eaten by gators at camp, just mosquitoes... hehe and thanks for your super long review, lol.

**medlii**: Alright, I'm finally getting around to thanking you by name since you've reviewed literally all of my chapters, I think... you're the best!

Also, thanks to **Cold Kikyo**, **raven657**, and **Leslie** for your awesome reviews!

I think I'll finally get around to writing Miroku into the next chapter, and possibly Sango too. This story has gone on far too long without the two of them, huh? Expect the next chapter relatively soon, as I've been looking forward to writing this one for a while...


	7. Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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Kaede slumped despondently onto the wooden floor of her hut and put a hand to her aching head. Why, she pondered, did she have to be "blessed" with not only a half-deranged older sister who frequently entertained the notion that she was deceased, but also three immature and very noisy houseguests who obviously didn't entertain any thought of leaving?

Between the four of them, it seemed she _never_ got any peace and quiet these days! Either someone was fighting with someone else, or somebody needed bandages, or someone wanted food... it was _always_ something -- and Kaede decided that if she didn't get a chance to relax soon she was going to commit acts of violence upon the next person who dared to ask her for a favor.

What she needed, Kaede decided, was a respite from all of the craziness. She needed to get the four of them out of the house and send them somewhere -- _anywhere_ -- so that she could relax in peace. Any excuse would do...

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"Naraku? ...Who was that again?" asked InuYasha, picking his teeth lazily. "I think I've heard that name somewhere before... was it important?"

Kaede felt a small amount of panic begin to well up. If she wanted them out of the house and off on a quest to destroy this Naraku, she needed to make it sound urgent, darn it! "Of course it's important!" she shouted. "Naraku is a very evil demon!"

Shippou glanced up from his Gameboy, vaguely interested. "Say. Isn't that the demon who killed my babysitter?"

"Yeah, that's the one," confirmed Kaede gravely. "His evil has even touched the life of someone so young... how sad..."

"Not really," shrugged Shippou. "Old Urasue was a witch anyway."

Kagome coughed sternly and took the Gameboy from Shippou. "Don't say things like that!"

"Why shouldn't he?" asked Kikyou, taking the Gameboy from Kagome and returning it the the kitsune. "I went to school with Urasue and he's absolutely right."

Kagome crossed her arms. "That's not the point..."

"Stop changing the subject!" ordered Kaede, somewhat red in the face. "Don't any of you care about stopping this terrible evil?"

The other occupants of the room innocently avoided eye contact.

Kaede sighed. "Well then... I suppose none of you would mind helping me with some work around here? The bridge club is meeting here Thursday and I want the place to be absolutely spotless by then."

InuYasha's head shot up. "We definitely want to look for Naraku. That evil bastard... he shouldn't be allowed to live!"

"That's right!" agreed Kagome. "We can't allow this to go on!"

Kikyou and Shippou nodded hastily. After all, Kaede could be quite the slave driver when she went on a cleaning rampage... best to be far away from here as possible when she started.

Kaede's face brightened immediately. "Well in that case," she lied, "I've heard a rumor that he's been spotted in a village to the, ah... east of here. You should leave right away. Oh, and here, I packed some lunches to take along with you," she finished, handing the plastic lunch bag to Kagome.

"Um, thanks-" began Kagome.

"Oh, no need to thank me," interrupted Kaede, discreetly nudging them in the direction of the door. "Just leave... and don't come back until you've rid the world of this appalling evil that plagues it!"

Kaede smiled in giddy relief as her four housemates disappeared into the distance. Abruptly, she jumped up with a curse, realizing something just a few minutes too late.

Kagome had left that damn cat for her to take care of!

-----------------------------------------------------

"So... which way did Kaede say Naraku had gone?" asked Kagome. "She rushed us out of there kind of fast, so..."

InuYasha pondered for a moment. "Um... north? She never mentioned the name of the village he was supposed to be in."

"No, it was definitely east," declared Kikyou. "I definitely remember east."

"If you say so..." said InuYasha dubiously.

"Of course I say so." Kikyou crossed her arms smugly.

"Great!" Kagome put a hand to her chin thoughtfully. "But how do we know which way east is?"

"That's _easy_," said Shippou, looking up from his Gameboy incredulously. "I can't believe you don't know that! East is the direction the sun rises in, so..."

InuYasha rolled his eyes impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, sure it is, kid. Seriously, I guess we'll just have to pick a direction and start walking... hopefully we can make it to some village before night and they can tell us if they've heard of Naraku's location."

Kagome and Kikyou nodded. "Good planning, InuYasha," complimented Kagome. "We'll do that."

-------------------_2 weeks later..._-------------------

"Alright!" shouted Kagome, waving a hand around excitedly. "We've finally made it to a village!"

InuYasha crossed his arms proudly. "And all thanks to my brilliant plan... whenever we find him, this Naraku's not going to stand a chance against my strategizing skills."

Shippou rolled his eyes. "What are you so happy about, InuYasha? It's not even that impressive of a town. In fact, it looks pretty much abandoned."

Sure enough, a quick glance around revealed empty streets, and "Closed"signs hanging on the doors of all the nearby inns and businesses. The same sight continued to meet the group until they were nearly at the outskirts of the village.

"This establishment is still open," declared Kikyou, pointing out a gaudily-painted bath house with a large sign advertising the fact that their facilities were "Cleaned Daily."

"Is that the _only place_?" asked Shippou, wrinkling his nose dubiously.

"Apparently so..." mused InuYasha, leading the way to the front porch and peering into the dimly lit interior. "We don't have to stay long."

The first thing that came to the attention of the travelers was the sound of heartbroken sobbing coming from the direction of the women's bath.

Kagome rushed ahead of the group to investigate while the others followed at a more leisurely pace. The person making the racket with all the crying knelt with their back to the door, and sported a long purple robe and a short ponytail.

"Gone..." wailed the purple-clad figure. "They're all gone..."

"What's gone?" asked Kagome, kneeling beside the crying man with a concerned expression. The man jumped up in surprise when he heard her speak to him, since he had drowned out all sounds of her approach with his distraught sobbing. Kagome, in turn, jumped back at the sudden movement on his part.

"All the... the women..." he choked out.

Kagome opened her arms for a comforting hug, which the man returned enthusiastically.

"Hey, who's this?" asked InuYasha, walking in with Shippou and Kikyou in tow. "He's the only person in this whole building. We checked."

Kagome shrugged, pulling her arms from the man's embrace. "I dunno. But he seemed really upset about something."

"I'm Miroku, the Safety Inspector of this establishment," declared the man, straightening up and flashing a sparkling smile.

"If you're a Safety Inspector, why does your name tag say 'Maintenance?'" asked Shippou dubiously.

"Ah..." Miroku scratched the back of his head nervously. "I borrowed this one?"

"But why were you crying so much?" asked Kagome.

"And why are you the only person in this town?" added Kikyou.

"And is that a _dress_?" added Shippou.

Miroku looked slightly affronted. "I assure that my uniform is most certainly _not_ a dress. And, as for the first two questions, to answer them would require a lengthy tale, which I'm sure you don't wish to hear, concerning the demon called Naraku."

"Naraku, huh?" said InuYasha, sitting down cross-legged on the floor. "We're listening." The others followed his lead and sat down on the floor.

Miroku sighed and sat down across from the expectant group. "Well... if I must... The situation began two days ago when we had a rather problematic customer..."

----------------_2 days ago at the bath house..._----------------

"Excuse me, Miss?" Miroku put on his best smile as he approached the long-haired figure wrapped in some type of white fur. "You should be over on the ladies' side, don't you think?"

The figure ignored him so Miroku continued, placing a friendly hand on its shoulder. "I would be happy to escort you there personally, since surely you have no desire to bathe in the men's room?"

The dark-haired person whirled around abruptly, eyes sparking with fury. "You dare to insinuate that I, Naraku, look girly!"

Miroku cringed visibly. He'd made an assumption based on the long, wavy hair... But, _ewwww_. That was no woman. Hell, Miroku wouldn't have bet money on it being a man, either. It was just...

"**Ewwwwwwwww**." Miroku covered his mouth with his hand. '_Oh shit, I didn't just say that out loud, did I_?"

Naraku huffed indignantly, his features forming into an expression that was half pout, half sneer. "You scum, do you dare to mock me, the transcendently magnificent Naraku?"

Miroku stared at Naraku with morbid fascination, his eyes open a little wider than natural in a mixture of shock and fright. "Ummmm..."

Naraku quivered with fury. "You should be taught a lesson in respect, you pathetic human!"

-----------------------------------------------------

"And after delivering that typically cheesy 'villain line,' Naraku placed a curse on me, which will apparently only be removed after his death," concluded Miroku. "And, to add insult to injury, he created a great number of hot springs throughout Japan. Now that people can bathe in them for free, they no longer patronize the bath house, and my livelihood is ruined."

"But, what sort of curse did Naraku place upon you?" asked Kikyou.

"Follow me and I'll give you a demonstration," replied Miroku cheerfully.

He led the group to a weedy, overgrown clearing in the back where he proceeded to strip his robes off to the waist.

"Ah... what are you doing?" asked Kagome nervously.

"Trust me," replied Miroku reassuringly. "I am merely going to demonstrate the curse. These robes _were_ expensive and I don't wish to damage them."

Turning his back to the group, Miroku lifted his arm and removed the seal from the curse. Immediately, air started rushing towards the void, along with loose debris and litter that had been lying around in the abandoned lot.

"Ah, I've heard of those," remarked Kikyou. "It's an air void, am I correct?"

"Indeed it is, although perhaps a more accurate term would be 'Kazaana,'" replied Miroku.

"Ooooh, you know Japanese?" exclaimed Kagome. "Cool!"

"Well, this _is_ Japan..."

InuYasha scratched his head in confusion. "But... there's one thing I don't understand..."

Miroku raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"Well... why on earth would Naraku give you a Kazaana in your _armpit_?"

----------------------------------------------------

AN: Um, hope you all liked it! Sorry about the wait...


	8. Chapter Eight

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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"Why do we have to let this guy come with us?" whined InuYasha. "For all we know, he's some kind of closet pervert or something!"

"InuYasha..." Kagome frowned. "You shouldn't say things like that about someone we just met."

"And I am also standing right here," Miroku reminded them, giving the barest hint of a pout. "Really, InuYasha. I won't molest you in your sleep or anything like that, if that's what you're worried about."

InuYasha turned a visible shade of green. "You'd damn well better not... because I would _kill_ you," he added with conviction.

"Besides, he's the best lead we have on Naraku," commented Kikyou helpfully.

"More like the only lead," snorted Shippou. "None of the rest of us even know what Naraku looks like."

"And trust me, you're better off not knowing," promised Miroku.

"So where do we go to find Naraku?" asked Kagome, fidgeting in boredom. "We can't find him by just hanging around this empty town, right?"

Miroku put a hand to his chin thoughtfully. "I believe the best plan would be to scout out the many hot springs that Naraku created, in hopes that he still lingers around one of them."

"Do you really think that we need to visit _all_ of the hot springs?" queried Shippou. "It sounds like overkill, if ya ask me."

"Absolutely," confirmed Miroku. "Beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"And you're sure you're not just hoping to get a glimpse of my lovely, naked body?" asked Kikyou.

"Of course not... " Miroku's wide violet eyes blinked innocently. "I would never dream of such a thing."

"Okay. Just making sure... one can never be too careful of their girlish modesty," confided Kikyou.

"As a monk, I couldn't agree with you more."

"Hold on. A monk?" InuYasha raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were a bath house attendant."

Miroku assumed an air of superiority. "I may have been _employed_ as a bath house attendant, but a monk is what I _am_, inside."

"What the hell?" spluttered InuYasha. "That makes _no_ sense--"

"Stop being so suspicious, InuYasha!" Kagome stomped her foot impatiently. "It's absolutely ridiculous! Miroku is obviously a nice guy, and he's going to help us find Naraku if you'll just _let_ him already."

InuYasha folded his arms angrily and turned his back in a huff. "Fine. We'll leave then. But I'm telling you, something is _off_ about him."

----------------_earlier that morning..._----------------

Naraku lounged on a water-slicked rock in a secluded hot spring. He had to admit that he felt a certain satisfaction is using a spring that he'd created himself, rather than patronizing a commercial bath house. There was such an unparalleled... _refinement_ to bathing in a natural water source such as this.

Not too far away, on the dirt path that led to the spring, a young boy balanced a sizeable clay jar on his shoulders, having been sent to get water by his older sister. His annoyance over being forced to do the chore was tempered by the fact that he didn't really mind getting the water. He actually thought it was pretty neat to visit the springs, especially since they had mysteriously appeared only a few nights ago.

Kohaku stepped into the clearing around the hot springs and froze in horror.

Naraku looked up from his musings in the hot spring and gazed with mild interest upon the human boy who'd fallen to his knees, clutching his head and moaning, his water jar shattered on the ground.

Kohaku rocked back and forth as he tried to purge his mind of the image he'd just seen: Naraku, naked, sprawled out in the hot spring. Tentacles and all.

Perhaps the steam was going to his head, but Naraku felt strangely merciful toward this insignificant mortal. "Boy," Naraku addressed the young man. "I can see that the sight of this Naraku in all my glory was too much for your puny human mind. I can take the memory away for you, if you agree to become a minion of this Naraku."

Kohaku nodded frantically. "Whatever you say. Make it go away..."

Naraku gave himself a mental high five. _Yes! I finally got myself a minion!_

----------------------------------------------------

"Well, here we are." Miroku grinned widely at the rest of the group, gesturing towards the vacant spring.

"That's it?" asked InuYasha. "That was like, a five-minute walk, tops." InuYasha scowled. "What exactly did we need you for, anyway? We could have found this by ourselves, easily!"

Miroku shrugged. "Come to think of it, you probably _didn't_ need me..."

"**Kohaku**!"

Five heads whipped in the direction of the deafening yell, just in time to see a black-haired girl clad in body armor come crashing down the path.

She screeched to a halt in front of the group of travelers. "Have you seen my brother?" she demanded anxiously. "He's... about this tall," she gestured to about her shoulder level, "And, has short black hair and clothes like mine..."

"Nooo..." answered Kagome. "Was he supposed to be here?"

"I just... just sent him to get some water..." sobbed the girl. "But that was this morning, and, and... he's _gone_! I can't find him anywhere!"

"That's terrible!" agreed Kagome, throwing an arm over the distraught girl's shoulder's. "But... maybe we can help you look for him?"

The girl sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "That would be nice... my name's Sango."

Kagome smiled. "I'm Kagome, and this is Miroku, Shippou, Kikyou, and InuYasha. We're all doing this kind of... quest thingy. If you come with us, maybe we'll find your brother, since we'll be searching around all the springs here."

Sango's eyes brightened. "Okay. I'll come with you guys." She sighed and looked into the distance with a dismal expression. "It's not like I can go back to my family..."

"Why? Did something happen to them, too?"

Sango gave Kagome a incredulous look. "Do you think I'd actually go and tell my parents that I lost Kohaku? They'd _kill_ me."

Kagome nodded. "I see what you mean." Souta had always had an uncanny ability to make her mother hysterical with his "hilarious" fake injuries.

"Hey..."

"Yeah, InuYasha?" asked Sango.

"Do you think Naraku did something to your brother?"

Sango looked confused. "Who?"

InuYasha shook his head. "Never mind. Come on, Miroku. We're going to look around for any trace of him. I want to get this quest over with _before_ football season starts."

"Is that so?" said Miroku. "In that case, we'll get going. Although, I can't say that I like sports myself," he added, smiling in the direction of the girls. "I'd rather spend time with my family... not that I have one, of course..." Miroku looked wistfully into the distance.

"Oh, that's so sad," sympathized Sango. Kikyou and Kagome nodded in agreement.

InuYasha looked rather disgusted. "Yeah, sure. Whatever. Now get your ass in gear, we're going to look for Naraku."

Kagome, Sango, and Kikyou glared at InuYasha as he proceeded to drag Miroku out of the clearing. What an insensitive jerk!

"Well," began Sango, "Since we're here at a hot spring already, do you want to...?"

Kagome and Kikyou looked at each other, then turned back to Sango and nodded. "Sure, why not?"

-----------------------------------------------------

Miroku rolled his eyes. Why did InuYasha make such a big deal about going to look for Naraku if he was just going to do that thing where he used super-duper demon powers to jump up into trees and run really fast and just generally leave him behind anyway? It was all so pointless, really.

Miroku ambled back in the direction he remembered leaving the girls in, and abruptly ducked behind a bush when he heard splashes coming from the hot spring.

"You know, Sango, this is actually kind of boring," grumbled Kagome. "Can't we leave yet?"

Sango gave a little sigh. "Well it may be boring, but what else do we have to do around here?"

Kikyou chuckled. "Well, I can think of something that would make this interesting... too bad the guys already left."

"I dunno about that, Kikyou," said Kagome dubiously.

"Yeah," agreed Sango. "I mean, not that it's a bad idea... I just don't think they'd _want_ to."

"I say we don't bother them," concluded Kagome.

Kikyou rolled her eyes. "You two really aren't any fun."

Miroku fell back in shock, eyes widened. They wanted... ?

Well... if that was the case, who was he to complain?

----------------------------------------------------

"InuYasha!" Miroku was leaning over and breathing hard, having just run the entire way from the springs without stopping.

"What is it?" asked InuYasha, glaring at Miroku. "And what were you doing, slacking off like that? _You_ were supposed to help look for Naraku, but instead you wandered off!"

Miroku straightened up and glared right back at InuYasha. "_You_," he declared, "Have a messed-up sense of priorities. The girls _need_ us right now, and you are not going to be the one to let them down!"

And with that, he proceeded to grab InuYasha by the hair, dragging the hanyou (who was still wondering what the hell Miroku had been talking about) back down the path to the springs.

"Fear not, ladies!" bellowed Miroku. "We are here to serve your every need!"

Kagome, Sango, and Kikyou looked up from where they knelt by the spring, the entire set of dirty camp cookware set out in a sudsy mess.

"You want to help us wash the dishes?" asked Sango blankly. "Really?"

Kagome beamed. "How thoughtful!"

InuYasha scowled at Miroku. "What the hell? I ain't doing any dishes. You've gotta be _kidding_ me!"

Three females glared in InuYasha's direction. "That's okay. Since _Miroku_ here is so considerate, we don't need you!"

InuYasha blinked. _Why would Miroku want to help with the dishes?_ He felt, once again, that something was very, very off about that self-proclaimed monk.

--------------------------------------------

AN: Very, very sorry that it took me so long to write this. If anyone is still reading this, thanks... I promise I won't leave this unfinished, no matter how sporadic my writing habits are. I still haven't decided what the next chapter will be about, although I have lots of ideas. Personally, I want to write Kouga in as soon as possible, but I also want to inroduce Kagura and Kanna... actually, maybe I'll cover InuYasha's human night. If any of you have an opinion, maybe you could let me know?


	9. Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

------------------------------------------------------

"Naraku sent you a message." Kagura handed InuYasha a folded piece of notebook paper with the words _To: InuYasha_ scribbled on the front in pink pen.

InuYasha accepted the letter, holding it gingerly as if he wasn't quite sure what to do with it.

Kagura didn't roll her eyes, but she sure felt like it. "Open it. Read it. Naraku told me to bring back a reply."

InuYasha opened the noted and peered at the contents apprehenisvely. It went like this:

_To InuYasha and Co.,_

_Meet me tonight at Starbucks at 7? Please check yes or no._

_-- Naraku_

"So do we go or not?" asked Miroku.

"I'm not afraid of Naraku," declared InuYasha. "The evil bastard..." he added as an afterthought.

"And we absolutely must not miss the opportunity to avenge my tragic death," said Kikyou.

"I have a pencil," supplied Kagome.

"Then I guess it's decided," concluded Sango.

InuYasha accepted the pencil from Kagome and filled in a large, dark checkmark on the 'yes' box as Kagura tapped her foot.

"So... Kagura?"

"What?" Kagura glared at Miroku.

"What's with the hat?" Miroku asked, pointing at the visor that shaded Kagura's face and velcro-ed underneath the ponytail on the back of her head.

"Yeah," piped Shippou. "You look like a fast-food worker or something."

Kagura glared even _more_. "Under Naraku's orders, we _all_ have to wear them. It was either that, or uniforms."

Kagome directed a sympathetic glance at Kagura. "I know how you feel. In middle school, they made us wear these really itchy sweater vests--"

"Here." InuYasha interrupted, holding out the letter to Kagura. "Tell Naraku that we're not afraid of him," began InuYasha. Kagura snatched the letter from his outstretched hand. "He's going to get what's coming to him, and and I'm going to be the one to--"

"InuYasha."

InuYasha turned to Kikyou. "What?" he demanded.

"Kagura left already," she explained, wearing a martyred expression.

InuYasha turned around. Sure enough, Kagura was long gone. "But I _will_ be the one to defeat Naraku." He scowled at the group. "You know that, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course you will," assured Miroku, idly twirling his monks' staff in his hand.

"Wasn't that staff a janitors' _mop_ a few chapters ago?" asked InuYasha suspiciously.

"Of course not, InuYasha. Whatever could you be talking about?" Miroku pulled off a convincingly quizzical gaze.

"You know what I'm talking about," insisted InuYasha.

"Nooooo, I really don't." Miroku turned a helpless gaze in the direction of the three girls. "Do you know what he's going on about?"

"No idea," assured Kagome.

"Indeed." Kikyou nodded. "But then, he's always been the delusional sort..."

-------------------------------------------------

Naraku's eyes lit up as he saw the group approaching his table. "Kikyou! My love!"

Kikyou's took a step backward as her eyebrows furrowed. "Do I know you?"

Naraku ignored her question. "It's been so long... you look positively radiant, my dear!" He drew closer to Kikyou and his face contorted with shock. "You... you smell like _him_!" he gestured to InuYasha with an expression of supreme betrayal.

"Yeah, we all use the same laundry detergent," interjected Kagome cheerfully. "Lilac fresh, huh? I haven't quite got the hang of ironing yet, though..." she admitted, indicating the scorch mark on the back of Miroku's robe.

"Oh. Well, that's alright, then." Naraku was all smiles again. "Now come join me at the table. You simply must meet my children." He misinterpreted the general look of horror from the group at the thought of Naraku fathering anything, and rushed to reassure them. "I didn't cheat on you, Kikyou! They were all produced asexually, I swear!"

Already seated at the table, Kagura folded her arms and scowled. "Way to go," she sneered. "Tell them all that I'm a product of your un-natural bodily propagation, why don't you?"

Naraku sighed helplessly. "Teens..."

"Ahem... anyways..." Miroku looked up from his seat between Sango and Kagome. "What were we talking about before?"

"Ah, yes." Naraku agreed readily. "Drinks are on me. Kanna!"

"Actually," said Sango, as Naraku's other child (who, sure enough, sported a hat identical to Kagura's) came to the table to take their orders, "We want to know why you summoned us here."

"To see my beloved Kikyou, of course." Naraku thought for a moment. "Oh yeah... and you should probably know that I'm taking good care of your brother."

"What?" Sango choked on her latte.

"Yep, just like he was one of my own children. I even gave him the hat. He's adopted, so I don't want him to feel left out," confided Naraku.

"You can't just _adopt_ my _brother_!" Sango jumped to her feet, spilling her beverage all over Miroku as she did so.

"Oh, dear. This complicates things..." Naraku looked concerned. "But you need not be jealous of Kohaku... there is room in my family for you, too!" He spread his arms wide.

Sango crossed her arms. "There is no way I will ever wear your hat, Naraku!" she hissed. She turned to the others, eyes flashing. "Come on, we're leaving!" Miroku followed obediently as Sango stormed out, wanting to wash the coffee out of his clothing.

"Wait... don't leave yet..." Kikyou slumped in her seat. "I wanted a bagel..." InuYasha, Kagome, and Shippou nodded their agreement. The four of them took their leave of Naraku with a sigh.

--------------------------------------------

Kaede endeavored her very hardest give the impression that she wasn't home. Unfortunately, there seemed to be even _more_ unwanted houseguests pounding on her door than when she first sent them on their ever-so-important mission.

"Kaede! Open up!"

The much-put-upon village protectress put away her pedicure set. It looked like she wasn't due for any pampering today.

Plastering a very fake smile on her face, Kaede opened the door to the crowd, who proceeded to file into her hut -- _without wiping their feet_ -- and make themselves comfortable.

"So..." Kaede addressed the group. "Why did you come back here? Did you succeed in your, ah... mission?"

"Not yet," Sango replied solemnly. "We confronted Naraku at Starbucks, but he managed to escape."

"He's a tricky bastard all right," agreed InuYasha. "I guess we'll have to stay here at the base of operations until we can recuperate."

"When did my house become your 'base of operations'?" asked Kaede. "That is, I'm sure there's some other village that would be more convenient."

"Oh, don't worry, Kaede. We like staying with you just fine, even if you _are_ old and your arthritis cream smells kind of funny," assured Kagome. "Right, InuYasha?"

InuYasha shrugged. "As long as we get free food..."

Kaede could hear that pedicure set calling her name. It was _mocking_ her. "Have you made plans for your next excursion from the village?"

InuYasha frowned. "Actually, I was thinking we could do something about _this_." He waved his desecrated Tetsusaiga for all to see. "With the Tetsusaiga like this, I just feel, somehow..."

"Inadequate?" Miroku offered.

"Well, I don't know if that's how I'd put it, but I guess so." InuYasha returned Tetsusaiga to its place. "I just have to know if there's something that can be done."

Kaede beamed. "What an excellent idea, InuYasha. Why don't the six of you go to the library and do some research?"

InuYasha gave a slow nod. "We could do that..."

----------------------------------------------------------

AN: Yes, I agree that my extra-long time lapse between chapters is inexcusable and I'm lucky if anyone at all is still reading this. Would it help if I said that I'm ever so sorry? It's just that, what with all the excessive writing projects I've had to turn in for my classes lately, I haven't felt much like writing for fun. But never fear, this story shall be completed in time. It might be a LONG time... but good conscience demands that I not leave this unfinished before starting anything new.


	10. MiniChapter Ten

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

_-------------------------------------------_

In hopes of finding information on the restoration of Tetsusaiga, InuYasha and friends made the decision to wander the countryside aimlessly in hopes of locating an all-knowing guru of swordsmith-ery.

Unfortunately, all they had managed managed to accomplish so far was quite a bit of the aforementioned aimless wandering.

But Kagome was not one to let a long period of otherwise-unoccupied time go by without taking the chance to get to know her new dog-eared friend a little better.

"InuYasha?"

A few seconds elasped before InuYasha responded; he was staring with distracted interest at the trees on the horizon. "Yeah?"

"Tell me about your childhood."

InuYasha scowled. "I don't want to talk about it. My childhood was a traumatic experience; it scarred me for life and left me with deep seated trust issues!"

---------------------_flashback_---------------------

An eight-year-old InuYasha scampered his way home for dinner with a surprise for his dear mother stowed carefully in one of his pockets. Upon seeing two little girls of his age, he swerved to greet them, a proud grin on his face. "Hey," he called cheerfully. "Wanna see what I found in the forest?"

The two girls jumped back, squealing. "Ewww! Don't touch us, dirty hanyou!" They were, of course, referring to the mud that coated him liberally from head to foot. He _had_ been wallowing in the swamp, after all.

InuYasha was somewhat taken aback, but he figured that nobody could deny the coolness of his new pet. He pulled it from his pocket to show them, holding it close to their faces (just so that they could get a really good look).

The girls shrieked and ran, leaving InuYasha standing forlorn and rejected in the middle of the road. A single tear dripped down his cheek, leaving a pale track in the mud. He gazed sadly into the eyes of his pet frog, who judging by appearance could have been the larval stage of whatever Jaken was.

---------------_end flashback_---------------

"... And that's how it was my whole childhood, Kagome." InuYasha finished his story, glaring in the direction of the ground. "They would call me dirty, just because I was a hanyou; they would scream and run from me. That's the kind of prejudice I've had to deal with."

"Oh, InuYasha..." Kagome was horrified; she'd had no idea that there was such injustice in the world. "I'm _so_ sorry." She threw her arms around him in an impulsive hug.

InuYasha froze. "Um... thanks..." _Her boobs are touching me..._

Kagome pulled back and smiled at him. "Now aren't you glad you got that off your chest?"

"Uh... yeah, I guess," InuYasha said cautiously.

"Hey! Stop lagging behind!" Shippou yelled out from where he was running around under Miroku, Sango, and Kikyou's feet, and generally making a nuisance of himself.

Sango shrugged. "We can take our time. I know a shortcut."

"A shortcut to where? Do we even know where we're going?" asked InuYasha.

"Well, that's just..." Sango floundered for a moment. "Not important. This shortcut is a family secret, and thus infalliable."

"If you say so."

---------------------------------------------

AN: Whoa, this is like, my shortest chapter ever. Not even two pages in OpenOffice. Mostly, I was feeling really happy today and wanted to write because a) my humanities professor extended the deadline for the research paper five days; and b) my anatomy and physiology professor canceled class for next tuesday. Both of which puts me in a very, very good mood.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha.

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Miroku groped blindly in the darkness of the cave. For all of the supposed merits of Sango's 'secret family shortcut,' he couldn't see a damned thing. He stretched his hands toward the sound of his friends shortly ahead of him, and his hands contacted something warm and squishy.

Almost immediately, something considerably _less_ squishy hit him in the face with a resounding smack. At the same time, the pitch-black cave was illuminated, revealing not only an impressive set of sleek, modern light fixtures, but also the fact the this cave was someone's (very nicely furnished) home.

"Wow," Kagome marveled. "Claplights."

Sango turned around to see Miroku cradling his reddened cheek with one hand. Miroku winced. "Um... it was an accident?" Which was quite true.

Sango also winced. "Um... it was a reflex?" Which was also quite true.

The two of them _ahem_-ed nervously. "Well, that was awkward, wasn't it?" said Miroku, giving a disarming chuckle.

"Yeah," agreed Sango. "We'll just pretend it never happened, okay?" she added, narrowing her eyes.

Miroku nodded hastily just as a thump and a muffled yell came from behind the screen that partitioned off one side of the room/cave. "What the hell are you doing? It's two in the morning! Turn off the lights!"

"That's what I'd like to know," said Kikyou, turning to InuYasha. "Why'd we have to start our little trip at eleven p.m., anyways?"

"Just because," said InuYasha cheerfully.

The owner of the disembodied voice stepped out from behind the screen, squinting at the six trespassers. "Seriously. What are you doing in my house?"

"We're not too sure ourselves," admitted Kagome.

The disgruntled homeowner's eyes widened. "I love you. Marry me, Miss... ?"

"Uhm... Kagome?" she offered.

"Right. I'm Kouga, and I'm in love with you, Kagome!"

"Ooh, how do you feel about _that_, InuYasha?" asked Shippou, who'd been sleeping on Kagome's shoulder until he was woken up by Kouga's boisterous declaration.

"Huh?" InuYasha was staring enviously at Kouga's 52" flat screen television. "Surround sound, isn't it?" he asked wistfully.

"Ah, young love," sighed Kikyou. "It sort of reminds me of our tragic love, right InuYasha?"

"Even a subwoofer..." InuYasha mused.

"Um, Kouga?" began Kagome. "Did you say you _love_ me? 'Cause I've only known you for maybe, ah... thirty seconds? How is that even possible?"

Kouga wrinkled his forehead. "I don't know..."

"I was just wondering," assured Kagome hastily. "I'm not saying that you're a liar or anything."

"No, you're right," said Kouga. "In fact, this whole thing is really bothering me."

"I believe I can explain!" interjected a shrill voice.

"Myouga!" gasped everyone (except for Kouga, who had never met Myouga before).

"Yes, it is I, Myouga!" he squeaked. "I'm here to provide information in exchange for parasitic privileges!" He looked around the room with shifty eyes. "And I've never infected anyone with Lyme disease. Honest."

"Your word is good enough for me," agreed Kouga, "As long as the 'parasitic privileges' you're referring to are courtesy of _that _guy." He gestured to InuYasha. "Can you shed any light on my situation?"

"Well, Kouga," began Myouga, "Your condition is a first-rate example of the phenomenon known as 'imprinting.'"

"As what?" asked Kouga.

Myouga thought for a moment. "You know, that thing with the baby ducks? The first thing they see after they hatch, they'll think it's their mother, and it's called imprinting. That's what happened to you, except you sort of... fell in love."

Myouga turned to Kagome. "But don't worry, he's not dangerous. He may exhibit some stalker-like behavior, but for the most part he'll just follow you around and maybe try to hold your hand." Myouga turned back to Kouga. "Unfortunately, there's no cure."

Kouga shrugged. "It's not so bad. I can live with that."

"Hold on a minute," said Sango. "Doesn't something seem fishy here?"

"That's right!" InuYasha smacked his forehead. "How did you get the money to buy all _this_?" He glared accusingly at Kouga, pointing to the home theater system.

Kouga heaved a sigh. "A demon named Naraku killed my whole clan," he said, staring at the ground. "It was terrible. I was the only one left alive."

Kagome gasped. "That's awful, Kouga!"

"Yeah," Kouga continued. "So I collected the life insurance, and fixed the place up." He placed a reverent hand on his stereo. "It's in memory of them... it's what they would have wanted."

The group had a moment of silence in honor of Kouga's fallen comrades until Sango remembered something. "That was very informative, Kouga, but actually that's not what I was talking about." She pointed at Myouga. "I thought he was supposed to be dead."

Kagome snapped her fingers. "That's right!"

As if in response to Sango's statement, two miniature soul collectors flew into the room and started circling Myouga.

"InuYasha, it is time to come to hell with me," declared Myouga.

InuYasha raised an eyebrow. "Um..."

"Don't do it, InuYasha," warned Miroku. "This is no longer the Myouga you once knew."

"Indeed," said Kikyou. "The best thing for him would be to put him to rest and give his soul peace."

"Well... he _was_ my dad's vassal and all..." InuYasha fidgeted. "I just don't know what to do!"

Myouga scowled. "I see how it is. InuYasha, I have to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I never knew your dad," informed Myouga.

"What?" InuYasha was shocked!

"Yeah," said Myouga, "I pretty much made up that whole bit about being your dad's servant while you were young and gullible, in order to get free meals... I'm actually kinda surprised you never figured it out..."

Kikyou looked mildly surprised. "You never told him?" she asked Myouga.

InuYasha gaped at her. "You _knew_?"

"Yeah," she replied defensively. "I thought _you_ knew. I mean, who'd put _that_ in charge of one of their kids?"

Myouga looked offended. "Fine! See if I ever show up to help you again!" He turned tail and fled from the room, eyes suspiciously damp. "Meanies!"

Everyone shrugged. "So, what do we do now?" asked Miroku.

"I dunno," said InuYasha. "What were we going to do before we entered this cave?"

"Well, I for one have absolutely no idea," confessed Kikyou.

"Let's go to McDonald's!" suggested Shippou. "I want a Happy Meal," he added. "Can I have a Happy Meal?" he asked Kagome.

Kagome put some deep thought into her answer. " ...As long as you're good," she decided.

"So we're going to McDonald's?" asked Miroku.

"Yep," confirmed Kagome.

"So, how do we get to McDonald's without trespassing on any more residential areas?" pondered Miroku.

"Oh, not to worry," said Kouga. "I have a GPS."

InuYasha could only glare in envy.

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AN: Well... here's chapter 11, hope ya'll liked it. Thanks to Fanty for reminding me to update, or I probably never would have never gotten off of my lazy butt and updated, and would have consequently been consumed with a small amount of nevertheless haunting guilt for leaving all 3 or so of my readers who still care about this story hanging.


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